My story

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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bigal12241
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:07 am

My story

Postby bigal12241 » Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:19 am

Well I've never really been good at relationships. I've been a good christian, prayed almost every day. I like a lot of girls at my school and I'll sometimes get lucky with one, but my relationships only last at minimum 2 weeks. Either I do something to screw it up or they just flat out call it quits with me. The first 3 break ups weren't so bad, I was depressed, but I got over it. However, its become a problem that I'm depressed for several days before I start feeling better. Its gotten to a point where I've tried committing suicide multiple times, but never could bring myself to do it obviously. Now the worst is happening, they say God is suppose to love us and watch over us, but I, along with millions of other people out there, seem to be the target of some sick game to torture us. I'm truely happy for 2 weeks before I'm thrown into depression and well bottom line is its gotten to the point where I'm questioning if there is a God :( . Don't say it'll get better, its been like this since about 7th grade and I'll be a senior in high school this year. Never had a prom date, never had a homecoming date and only 1 kiss. Why am I one of those people that has to be tortured everytime I'm actually happy? Why do other people have to go through this. Does our God really want his sons and daughters to forever be locked in a state of depression?

bigal12241
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:07 am

Postby bigal12241 » Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:29 am

please if u read my post i need help!!!

Monty
Posts: 830
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:44 pm
Location: Canada

Postby Monty » Wed Jul 11, 2012 8:53 pm

I also don't understand why we have to go through these terrible times. I know that people tell my that "God doesn't give us anything in life, that we can't handle".

I don't believe that one.

What I do believe is that we all have to help each other out. No one should have to face this stuff alone.

The depression has been dogging me for close to 30 years. The only thing is that when I had to face things alone, it was almost too much for me. I am fortunate to have people in my life that listen to me.

We are listening to you.
Monty

bigal12241
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:07 am

Postby bigal12241 » Thu Jul 12, 2012 5:03 am

thank you monty, my parents think theres something wrong with me mentally like im psychotic so i cant go to them anymore. It was the thought of how my actions would affect loved ones if i killed myself that stopped me so i know im not completely alone.

bigal12241
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:07 am

Postby bigal12241 » Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:06 am

I've completely lost faith in my family this past week. My mom came in my room and starting talking to me about how I have a hard time holding a relationship and heres what pissed me off. She asked me if I was gay. I immediately said no that I wasn't and she just kept talking about how she would be ok if she had a gay son and that I can admit it with a serious look on her face. My dad didn't give a shit, my brother laughed, and I called the only person I like in my family, my sister, for help. She agreed with my mother and asked if I was gay since I can't seem to hold onto a relationship when 80% of the break ups aren't my fault.

I'm at the end of the line, I got no one or nothing else to turn too :(. I just...feel like ending it all. Put an end to my pain and see how they feel knowing they pushed their son to do this. They never loved me! No girl has ever loved me! No one...has ever loved me!!! I can't go through with it though, I'm scared. I'm scared of death, but I just don't want to be here anymore. I want to run away and find someone who will listen to me. Someone that understands me and what I've been through. If I can't find that person, then I won't be around for much longer.

hollyann
Moderator
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Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2009 9:44 pm
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Postby hollyann » Mon Jul 16, 2012 2:32 pm

Hi. Have you been to a doctor for this? Are you getting any kind of treatment? Sometimes meds or therapy or even a combination can help.

It must be hard for you if your family thinks your gay. Even though there would be nothing wrong with it. A lot of people when my brother and I were growing up thought my brother was gay. He went all the way until he was 21, never went out on a date, never had a girlfriend. He met a girl online and she came from another state to visit him. He ended up going back with her. And now they have been together 12 years and married 9 of those years.

When the time is right you'll find the right person. What matters is that you know the truth, when its the right person, right time you will know. And they will also know.

bigal12241
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:07 am

Postby bigal12241 » Tue Jul 17, 2012 4:37 am

Holly, its people like you that make it all worth living. I don't take any kind of anti depressants, however, the only medication I'm on is Aderol, aderal, however you spell it, for my ADHD. I know they would accept me if I was gay, but why can't they just understand that when I say I'm straight then it means I'm straight! Like I said before I've had several girls in my life that I dated and loved, even though it never lasted long it still proves I have an interest in women. Why can't they just see that!? But I don't need help! I'm not psychotic or anything, it's just that no one seems to care if they hurt me or how I feel about something. My voice just isn't heard. I can't bring myself to suicide, it's just not possible for me. I don't know why I bring it up when I know I can't really go through with it. I guess I just want attention from someone who will listen since I seem to have no one at my house that will. Thank you Holly for listening.


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