- Hey everyone.I would like to say firstly I'm not sure wether to be happy or glad.But ohwell.I shall start off by saying,that I would like you guys who we all have a thing in common to help me deliberate.A so called second opinion. Let's start shall we ?hmmm well first off Im Malay guy.<- I dont know if this is even relevant? but here goes since young Im always a shy guy and hated sports up till now I don't even do sports.Exceptkfor jogging.I would always be tease and be called gay because and congratulation to them I turned up to be 1. Well not technically.More to Bi or Pansexual or whatever. I can like someone from either gender without the basis of their gender as my requirement.Well back to where I was.My childhood isnt tht great but neither was it bad.I grew up hating my dad till this very present age i started hating him since 11.Was the blacksheep of the house and the last of my siblings. They say the last child is always spoiled and loved more. but guess what ? I hit the jackpot i had only a sister n the other 2 was my brother(from now on im not gonna bother to type with proper sentence structure n punctuat)on n i shall make it brief ok?) my mom love my 2nd brother alot n my sis is my daddy's little girl aww how cute. my eldest brother doesnt stay with us. dont ask why. cos its long of a story. so yea since young i always grew up knowing my parents had their favorite n i wasnt theirs even tho my 2nd bro isnt tht spoil;given everything to him he has my mom's love. i do at times get what i want but ohwell the love part is missing. fast forward i cried first day of my sec1 orientation got back home n cried the freaking tears out of me as i didnt feel as if i belong there n since then deemed the weirdo. soon i open up to my friends most of them were chinese . i dunno i just loathe malay as being aroun malay they r such deceitful backstabbing a-hole so i went along with chinese often. fast forward i quitted school at sec 3 as i turn more rebellious due to my nature of not being able to fit in cos i hate sport n was labelled gay n weird for not getting along with the malay. but whatever screw them. i forgot to mention i join the band fell in love with this girl but got flatly rejected in my face . i was made fun of in band and was even shamed infront of my whole band even though it was some game we played but it was meant to be taken lightly . but i took it the other way round. so quitted in 09 n didnt school or did anything for a year. cry myself almost everyday n smoked. 2010 i took private o despite knowing nothing bout wht im going in depth to study on.my basics was meagrely passing n since i took a haitus from school for almost a year i forgot what i had studied n my basic foundation shook. so know nothing n blindly enroll. even by now im still label as gay cos i have more friends who are girls just so i can avoid talking to malay guys so they wont ask me out to play soccer or lepak or whatever crap. n the chinese wa s busy minding of their own. but whatever oh did i mentioned i got birthday bash in a lift by them. thankgod i took it like a man n didnt tell my mom. wow im man enough to keep mum n not stand up n inform my parents. so in 2011 i got my results failed miserably as i didnt study at all cos i couldnt even catch up. due to squeezing so much in so lil time. hence stayed at home for awhile search for jobs got into all sort of jobs so i can get a good scope of jobs tht i would like to try. quitted soon after a month or 2 hated it due to workplace politics. the only job i like was at a hospital as a temp clerk but sadly it was only a week assignment.met a guy found in love since i dont know how to get acquainted with a girl. but with a fuy it was essy i just download a gay app called grindr soon i hook up n fall in love it was the best love life ever it was good at first but everything came crashing after my cat died in late december thts by the
my ex started to spend too much on me n i went materialistic just to cope of having a lost friend who pathetically was an animal but hence i love my cat unconditionally it was there whn i need it . it was a part of my life for 7 yrs since young till teen years so early this year broke up with him n in love with this guy u dated in december yea i was in an open t/s but i took advantage of it.so in late jan i went poly to get a referral from a doctor yo go to imh n cos my ns medical checkup would coincide i went 2 months prior to it.n my ex couldnt take me cos i was being very emotional n have outburst of anger n feelings i would feel ok next min i would be angry n would shout at him in public n punch n kick him. i was getting abusive n i get agitated easily if things isnt done my way. i always have my way tht is what u thought. so went for my ns checkup n th nerve of the gay doctor to ask me why im depress. n the doc at the polyclinic thinks i might have dysthymia n bipolar so yea status pending. you might say yes im trying to void ns well tht is true as i dont want to have a repeat telecast of my
past live in front of me. but u think tts prpbably an excuse . well maybe it is. then i must be a good liar to create such a story n if i do create such a story thn i must be a compulsive liar.. i do lie to make it seem as if i was th other normal kid whereas i nvr had any1 celebrated my borthday after kindergarten i barely celebrated it with any1 but my mom. my mom is the best mother a child could have but im not worthy of her . so yea got my appointment with a doctor turns out ot was a male doctor who seem so high n mighty n im nt
quick to judge some1 so fast but i judge him n all the more he was a male i wouldnt open myself up. so yea explain to him part of my life story about how i cant keep friends n how people would just ignore me after awhile n i have to take the initiative to keep i touch in them. im always initiating whereas they dont give a bulls bout me n im like non existence in their life but whatever so after the first session i ask wether i could get a change of doc but they say U have to pay more cos im choosing my own? i was like u have got to be kidding me im like treated as a 2nd rated citize . wow those who decided n which doc must really hate me. well screw them hope their children turn out the way i am i hated the doc he looks at with contempt n think im just another teen going thru another phase well too bad f u doctor . i swear i hope ur child become like me n see how u like it.. 4 session n i keep telling hi
i dont intend to bring my parents or any1 along. he insisted like hes senile or something . so after 4 session he had to write my report n he probably deem me fit n clean of mental issues n he discharge n now i have no1 to rant n take out my anger n sorrows at . i bottle to myself. today or rather 2 july was my 18birthday n well it sure was the most memorable i didnt ha d any wishes from my
friends or even present nontheless celebrated it except i went out with my mom for a buffet n saw these few students celebrating i felt so crest fallen i so happy so i turn angsty i was annoyed n irritated by the noise level n the singing of birthday songs which reminds me of my mother i just sat infront of my mom eating whereas she probably knows it. so met my ex for awhile as he had to pass my stuff. i was happy as i didnt expect he would wish me
a happy birthday n i lied to him when he ask wether im celebrating it with my mom i said no instead i wasklying to him bout celebrating it with my cousins. ohwell when i got home my dad irritate the crap out of me. my best fren msg me but i cant even be bothered as she lied about celebrating it with me. out of nowhere i cried as my birthday was ending n none gave me a present i bought myself present prior . i feel so depressed i felt like overdosing of whatever i can grab on. but did nt as my religion forbade me to take my own life. so i texted my ex n told him the truth n he said he knew i lied to him . n yea now im starting to delete every1 n intend to go dumb n not communicate with any1 i guess being mute is best .. i still think c(inese r loyal friends or maybe cos of the chinese blood in me tht i tend to get along with them. so guys i need u to help me decide n i wan ur opinion as wether im depress or any other mental problem
i have . or maybe i am a compulsive liar. damn im in denial now.funny i was so depress an hour ago n now i feel like i dont care n full of bitterness.. so please guys tell me
what u think n what should i do. i really want those mood stabilizer so everyday i dont feel like all the emotions.thanks guys for reading n sorry for the incorrigible english. do drop me a message if u have anything to ask me or just wanna get along. sorry again for the hefty post