Depression Understood Forums

I grew up in a good neighborhood. Nobody really swore and nothing really happened. I thought I had a good dad (later in life I realized I was horribly wrong.) I was a spoiled brat who got and gets what every she and I wanted and wants. Yeah my family had our defaults, a  mom who drank allot and a "good dad" (again with my dad and realizing he wasn't so great after all.) my mom and and dad got divorced when I was 2 but the divorce doesn't really effect me very much. Like I said I was spoiled rotten and my step brother never stops reminding me about that. Oh yeah my mom gut married again to a guy, we will call him bob. Bob was a good guy but I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was going to replace my dad, now, I am glad he did. Anyways he has two kFids that are 13 and 7, we mostly get along but we have our fights. 
Right about a year before my mom got married to Bob my great grandma died. We all loved her dearly and still miss her to this day. She died of colon cancer at the age of 78. It was october 23, 2009 at 2:13 am. I remember when we were at the hospital she turned her head to me and said quietly "I love you." the doctors said she wasn't able to talk and the rest of the family said she couldn't talk so there is no way she could say that.
Anyways after she died it kind of broke the family. Everything just fell to pieces. Some people moved on but some will never be the same again. I am not really sure if this is a part of why I have depression but it might be.
My dad did drugs. That is why I hate him. He spent all of the money he had on drugs and cigarettes. For my 13 birthday he got me a $1 sucker from out Walgreens, but he spent $20 on cigarettes. I will never forgive him. I don't call him dad anymore I call him Joe (that's not his real name, but no giving identities away.) I think Joe is the main cause of my depression. I could go on for about a hour of all the bad things he has done but I don't have to time.
I "Suspected" that I had depression around the age of 11, I don't tell anyone until I was 13; I am fourteen right now and I can tell that my parents don't believe that I have depression.
I have dropped hints about it to them but they always say that I am just lonely and if they took me to the doctor all the doctor would say is "Get sleep,exercise,eat right and think happy thoughts and you will be fine." I have tried to tell them that is not how it works but you know adults, they always think they are right.
There are days when I feel a bit happy but most of the time it's all fake. I put on a face to hide my pain because If I show it I know that people will laugh because "That's. Of something to get depressed about" or because I just want attention. Others will act all surprised and say "Oh she is probably just in one of her moods. I am sick of everything. I don't want to talk about my suicide crap unless you really want to hear it. 
Everyday is like a dream to me, everyday I feel like I forgot everything about everyone and everything. And everyone knows that onetime dreams always end and the dreamer has to wake up. But when the dreamer is depression and it's just dragging you down deeper into the dream you are stuck forever and there is no escape. I wish i could get help, I wish someone would help. But I am just 14 I can't have depression everyone says its just teenage depression everyone says. She will be fine tomorrow everyone says. When your 14 you have no idea what sadness feels like everyone says. Just kill me now i say. But I can't it's not possible. I would make to much noise. Sorry to bother you with my sob story I know you probably will not believe it, no one else does.

Maybe I should kill myself

Catmat63 wrote:I grew up in a good neighborhood. Nobody really swore and nothing really happened. I thought I had a good dad (later in life I realized I was horribly wrong.)

From St8arrow

Well when you are very young, a father doesn't have to do very much to make his child believe he is almost superman. Once you get a little older and can think a little deeper about the realities of life, ones opinion of ones Dad, or somebody else, can change drastically.

I am 74 years old and my daughter is 48. She used to think I was God. Every time she hurt herself I would put a bandage on it and it would get all better. One time she had a bad tooth-ache and I was putting "Jiffy" on it to take away the pain. I said that if this didn't work then she would have to go to the Dentist. She told me many years later that this incident was the first time that she realized that I wasn't God after all. I couldn't fix everything.

From Catmat63

My dad did drugs. That is why I hate him. He spent all of the money he had on drugs and cigarettes. For my 13 birthday he got me a $1 sucker from out Walgreens, but he spent $20 on cigarettes. I will never forgive him. I don't call him dad anymore I call him Joe (that's not his real name, but no giving identities away.) I think Joe is the main cause of my depression.

From St8arrow

Well, it certainly is part of your depression, that's for sure.

From Catmat63

I "Suspected" that I had depression around the age of 11, I don't tell anyone until I was 13; I am fourteen right now and I can tell that my parents don't believe that I have depression. I have dropped hints about it to them but they always say that I am just lonely and if they took me to the doctor all the doctor would say is "Get sleep,exercise,eat right and think happy thoughts and you will be fine."

From St8arrow

Loneliness is a valid reason to be depressed. The world for children your age is so fast that even at such an early age, the feelings of fear of failure at things (or achievements) that are important to you can become overwhelming.

While your last sentence above has much value, by itself it can be rather useless unless the person (you) is shown how to achieve these important activities. And people don't like to fool themselves. If they don't feel happy, they don't want to bluff it out and pretend that they are happy.

However, there is another side to this equation. If you look and act happy, others will be more attracted to you. Your interpersonal relationships have a better chance to be enhanced if you put on a happy face. It is said that if you act happy or cheerful, that eventually you will become cheerful. Give it a try. It should make things better for you.

From Catmat63

I have tried to tell them that is not how it works but you know adults, they always think they are right.

From St8arrow

There is always a better way to do something. Nobody is always right. But the difference between the way that you are doing things and the way that you are thinking, --- and the way that I am suggesting that you act and think, could very well lower your feelings of hopelessness and the resulting depression that such thoughts and negative actions can bring into existence.

From Catmac63

--- I am sick of everything. I don't want to talk about my suicide crap unless you really want to hear it. .

Well, Catmac63, I would rather see you write about your suicide (crap), then find out that you went ahead and did it without telling anyone about it. Maybe, just maybe, we can turn things around so that you won't feel so desperate. I promise you one thing. I won't butter you up when I think that facing the truth would be better for you.

I know that can be a fine line to follow but in my 74 years of life, I have found that it usually is much better to face the truth than it is to avoid it. In fact avoiding the truth usually comes to no good at all. I hope that you will decide to get back in here soon. We will try to help you as much as we possibly can.