Depression Understood Forums

Hello everyone.

I don't know what to say besides, I need help. I'm just not sure what type of help I need. I am seeing a psychiatrist, I am on antidepressants, yet just when I think I am feeling okay, the world comes crashing down.

My psychiatrist does a bit of talk therapy but wants me to start seeing a therapist. When I originally met my psychiatrist 2 years ago, he suggested the same thing so I went. I saw someone for a year until I decided I was no longer gaining from the relationship.I am afraid to talk to another therapist because I can't stand the pain of telling my story. It is one thing to tell my story anonymously. It is another to sit in front of a professional.

I'm just filled with so much pain that I really can't describe. I saw the pdoc this week and he raised my meds. I know I have to give them time but I am maxed on one ad and close to max on the other.

I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out. Why am I feeling like this?

I'm sorry to rant. Don't even know if any of this makes sense.

Warmly,
makeitstop

Hi Makeitstop,

I can relate to what you are feeling. Depression is an everyday struggle. Some days are better, some days are worse, that's the nature of the beast. The only thing any of us can do is try to explain how we feel and hope someone somewhere will understand. I know it's hard trying to find a way through when all you can feel is pain. I know what it is like to want to crawl away and hide from everyone and everything. I know what it's like trying to find words to explain to people what you feel and knowing they don't really understand. The only thing I can say to you is take your psychiatrists advice and see a therapist. I know talking about painful things hurts, but in my humble opinion it's better out than in. The more we express ourselves the more opportunity for some semblence of peace. And always remember that you are not alone. So many of us here on this forum know exactly what you are feeling because we face the same kind of struggles everyday. Depression clouds our judgement, twists our thoughts, makes us paranoid, irritable, tired, emotional, numb, angry, desperate, disillusioned, desolate etc etc, but fight through it and keep going. We wont let it beat us!! <3

HI Makeitstop, I think Amanda is correct. Pain expressed is less destructive. It sounds as if you have worked very hard with the doctor to feel better. I understand your frustration. Don't stop trying and believe that things will get better. I know from experience that when we discuss difficult things, it does get easier each time. I hope you will take your pdoc's advice. Strong hugs.