path to total failure

[totalfailure]

Doomed to die because of hepatitis c.

Don't have money to pay for treatment.

Started drinking and smoking when i was 16 and now im 24.

One and only love of my life still rejects me. I fell in love with her when i was 16. I guess one and only love for whole life doesnt work in real world.

Found out my dad is not my real dad lately. Biological dad came to once drunken and died after few months later because of kidney failure. Even my stepped dad got divorced with my mom when i was 15.

I used to be considered as genius by the society but now im failure at college. Normal graduating year is 4th. But now i'm in my 5th year. Graduation is still far. Cant get anything done because of too much stress.

Only time when i forget all this is when im drunk. I know i should not be drinking when i have hepatitis c. But i just cant help it.

Once i tried to suicide. But then i realized how my family would react to it.

I know i'm near genius when it comes to programming. But when i try to do it. I just cant get my potentials work anymore.

[totalfailure]

also i have know idea what to do make it better. where to start

[balcony]

Hi, totalfailure. I don't think you are a failure at all. You are young person facing some very serious issues, but, you must face them. The student health services at your college is the place to begin. I am sure financial arrangements could be discussed and some sort of treatment plan devised. Many colleges and universities are also affliated with hospitals and medical centers, that are actively involved in research and treatment. Get as much information as you can at school and make a plan. One step at a time, totalfailure, otherwise it is too much. I am very sorry for your family disappointment. You are fortunate to be so talented, so what if it takes a bit longer to graduate, more time for you to learn more things. Hang in there, hope to hear more from you.

You might visit our chat room as well. A nice place to exchange ideas with people.

Take care, hugs.