Depression Understood Forums

Hi i'm sorry if this is a little bad, it's my first time doing something like this.

First of let me introduce myself: i'm a 16year old belgian male with no hobbies few friends and no girlfriend. And as of late i have been in a depression about my life.
The reason behind my depression is the fact that I don't get affection. ever. This may sound pretty cliché from a 16 year old high school student but it's something i really struggle with. My entire life i've been a quiet person that didn't really need other people around due to this i have no close relationship with anyone. Not even my parents... Especially not my parents.
It's not like i don't have friends though because i do both male as female however i can't get close to them. I put on a mask, i make myself look happy and careless.
Now a lot of people say that when they're depressed they feel empty. I don't i feel full, full of emotion, which i have never been able to express to anyone. I feel like i'm going to explode from the inside out. It's killing me. I've been trying to get rid of these emotions my own way without bothering others with it: i've made songs and such. They don't help. I need someone to talk to, to love, to hate, and most of all to hug...
In my entire life i haven't been hugged sincerely, neither have i been kissed.
I know someone who might qualify for this. A girl. I have a crush on her and i'm pretty sure she has a crush on me aswell however i am scared to death thinking about loving her( if that sounds right... Soryy i'm bad with words i hope you understand). I don't really care about myself i'm already an emotional wreck as is but i don't want to dissapoint her. That's the main reason that i'm scared of being with her. I don't know what to do around her so i don't look stupid for her or anything.
However i have been longing for her so hard. There is litteraly no way for me to explain this feeling but as long as i'm not with her my heart feels like its being chopped into pieces over and over again.
There is so much i want to write down, so much i want to ask but i'm afraid i might start to annoy people with these long texts so i'm just going to stop for now and maybe post more on a later date. I'll probably need it. I NEED to let my emotions out so badly.

I have no idea what anyone might answer on this but i'll read all the comments and answer anything you post. If i can i haven't really figured out how this forum works.

Anyway I AM REALLY SORRY to annoy everyone with my stupid problems. I know i'm just 16 and that it all sounds really stupid but i had to do this. I just hope i don't annoy people with this.

Thank you for reading
-Kronon

Hi Kronon. Nice to meet you. I'm glad you posted. First off I want to say that your problems aren't stupid at all. If they trouble you they matter,and they are worth dealing with and seeking help for. I'm not really good on relationship advice but the best thing you can do is be yourself. The more you are around her, the more comfortable you are likely to become. Sometimes people are depressed because they feel too much or feel things too deeply. You definately aren't alone, even though I know at times it must feel like it. Sorry not sure if this helps.

holly

Welcome, Kronon. I think you did an excellent job of describing and expressing how you feel. That is a great accomplishment already. Many people, even at a much older age, cannot do that. I am so sorry to read that you do not receive the affection you desire. Human touch and comfort is important, you are not wrong in that. Is it possible for you to talk with someone at school about how you are feeling?..a trusted teacher or some type of school counselor?
As far as the gf issue, it is completely normal to feel as you do. I would suggest you think about just being friends at first..find common ways to hang out..homework, school projects, etc. A friend can be a great source of comfort even if it is not a romantic thing. Take care, and hope to hear more from you soon. Take care

balcony wrote:Welcome, Kronon. I think you did an excellent job of describing and expressing how you feel. That is a great accomplishment already. Many people, even at a much older age, cannot do that. I am so sorry to read that you do not receive the affection you desire. Human touch and comfort is important, you are not wrong in that. Is it possible for you to talk with someone at school about how you are feeling?..a trusted teacher or some type of school counselor?
As far as the gf issue, it is completely normal to feel as you do. I would suggest you think about just being friends at first..find common ways to hang out..homework, school projects, etc. A friend can be a great source of comfort even if it is not a romantic thing. Take care, and hope to hear more from you soon. Take care

Thanks for the support
I've gone to a sort of counselor before a few times but whatever he says always boils down to the same thing "Open up to people, let them see the real you" I don't have a real me, i only have what i am right now and i hate it.
As for the girl i just got friend-zoned yesterday when she asked me to help her get a date with one of my other friends... I have no idea if i could feel any worse. I really appreciate the fact that you read my rant and left some support
Sorry if i'm being really negative but that's pretty much the reason i came to this site

hollyann wrote:Hi Kronon. Nice to meet you. I'm glad you posted. First off I want to say that your problems aren't stupid at all. If they trouble you they matter,and they are worth dealing with and seeking help for. I'm not really good on relationship advice but the best thing you can do is be yourself. The more you are around her, the more comfortable you are likely to become. Sometimes people are depressed because they feel too much or feel things too deeply. You definately aren't alone, even though I know at times it must feel like it. Sorry not sure if this helps.

holly

Thanks for reading through my rant and such.
I'm not sure if i could ever "be myself" around people seeing as i don't really know who i really am and on top of that I feel as though people expect me to react the way i do because I'm trapped in some sort of social circle.
again thank you it does feel good to know other people actually care

kronon, I can tell how much you desire a girlfriend right now, but, it will happen. Keep developing your own interests and getting through this difficult time. Never stop reaching our for help and support even if it seems useless. Eventually, you will find something or someone that makes a difference for you. As I said before, do not underestimate the power of a good friend, even if she is female and not interested in a romantic relationship. Take care and don't worry about sounding negative..we are here for you.

balcony wrote:kronon, I can tell how much you desire a girlfriend right now, but, it will happen. Keep developing your own interests and getting through this difficult time. Never stop reaching our for help and support even if it seems useless. Eventually, you will find something or someone that makes a difference for you. As I said before, do not underestimate the power of a good friend, even if she is female and not interested in a romantic relationship. Take care and don't worry about sounding negative..we are here for you.

I just don't know how to get a person like that. I guess i'm afraid to bore and/or annoy them that they even leave. I'm just a boring and depressed person and i know that so that's why i act differently around other people.
I know i have to change this but i just don't think i can

Kronon, First..stop apologizing. You do not bother or annoy me at all. I hope you will go back to the counselor and keep trying in therapy. Being afraid of abandonment by friends and loved ones is an awful feeling. I would continue to try and talk about those feelings with a trained professional and see if you can feel better. Remember Kronon, most people want a friend too, especially at your age. As I said before, focus on your talents and interests as best as you can.... it will give you something to talk about and share with other people. Glad to hear from you again, keep posting.