Depression Understood Forums

I AM AT THE POINT WHERE I HAVE NO HOPE THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I HAVE TRIED THINKING POSITIVE BUT ALWAYS FIND SOME WAY TO SEE THE POSITIVE. I HATE MYSELF AND FEEL LIKE I HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG TO DESERVE DEPRESSION. MY THOUGHTS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE OVER THE PAST MONTH AND A HALF THAT I HAVE TO SEE MY THERAPIST TWICE A WEEK AND HAVE AN EVALUATION ON MY MEDICINE THIS WEEK COMING UP. I HAVE QUESTIONED IS MY LIFE IMPORTANT? AND FEEL LIKE NO ONE AROUND ME CARES AND THAT I AM WORTHLESS.
I HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS SEVEN. AFTER MY GRANDFATHER DIED I BECOME VERY WITHDRAWN FROM PEOPLE AND THINGS. I HAVE ALSO WITHIN THE LAST MONTH BEEN DIGNOSED WITH AN EATING DISORDER. THIS EATING DISORDER I HAVE USED TO COVER MY FEELINGS AND DEAL WITH ALL THE PAIN THAT I HAVE BEEN HOLDING IN. WITHIN THE PAST WEEK I HAVE BAKED SO MANY COOKIES AND BINGED AND PURGED. I JUST HATE MYSELF FOR IT.
DO THE FEELINGS AND EVERYTHING THAT GO WITH DEPRESSION EVER GET BETTER? OR DO YOU ALWAYS STAY DEPRESSED? ANYBODY HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS OF WAY YOU MANAGE DEPRESSION BESIDE MEDICINGE?

Nobody ever deserves pain and suffering.

Some techniques I have learned thru therapy is meditation, exercise, medication, proper diet, and journaling.

Nobody, you are doing good things by seeing a therapist. That is important. It is really hard to find the positive when there is so much self loathing. Therapy, and medication might help you find the motivation to make some other positive changes. Doing something, anything that might bring a bit of pleasure is a good thing. A volunteer group, a small book group, an exercise or yoga class...perhaps a hidden talent..gardening, photography, music, art. You are somebody, I wish you strength and patience.