why i am depressed and sick of being alive (triggers)

[Obitus]

I am not Sure if this is the Right site for this kinda thing but i dunno need some answers, I am 26 years old and male here i go

My abuse started when i was 8 years old i was being groomed when i was 7. My abuser was my best friends Father i was friends with martin when i was 6 we got along great and had lots of fun together then his father got to know me. At first i thought he was really cool he took us to places like the water park or arcades and he always praised me for being good at things he made me feel special.
This lasted for about 6 years till i was 14 Then they moved away.
But the Abuse Gave me a code to live bye, Never will i ever hurt anyone Never Hurt anyone because I am hurting or for personal gain. Because out of all the things i hated i hated Him the most and i refused to be like him in anyway and these memories haunt me everyday every time i sleep i feel so guilty i know i shouldn't it was not my fault. But if i was not so weak if i was stronger i could of stopped it i let myself be dominated and i let fear win me over i cant forgive myself for that i don't know what to do i just want it all to stop

Thank you for reading

[Obayan]

Hi. first off, you are not at fault. You were a child. He manipulated you. If you saw a child being hurt and abused, wouldn't you step in? I would. Why? Because it's a child. Not able to defend itself. And neither were you. Healing has to begin with forgiveness, not for the abuser, but for you. I hope you find the help you seek and i'm so very sorry you had to live with such pain.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Welcom Obitus.

Don't know if answers can be given, but support can. Welcome to the forums.

Warmie