Forever is a long time...

[Nyx]

I'm Nyx, I've been living with clinical depression & an anxiety disorder for the past 20 years,I've had 4 nervous breakdowns & one failed suicide attempt, tried various medications, had counselling 3 times and still feel exactly the same.. completely empty inside. Beginning to wonder if this is it for me for the rest of my life?

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Nyx, welcome to the forums. Have you visiting DU chat room? Lots of good people there. Good support and a place to ask questions about how you are feeling.

Don't give up the search, you may have to try many meds and doctors before you find the combination that is right for you.

Warmie

[bluebells]

I can totally see where you are coming from. I have had pretty much the same throughout my life.
At present I am wondering if I am going to spend my life in and out of depression, and it is a scarey thought as is using the get out clause.Though I am feeling pretty low at present, I guess I am learning each time I go though it. The things that trigger my depression,Im starting to recognise when its coming, a bit like the calm before the storm. This time I managed to keep things at bay for a good while,but then one of my main triggers happened and sent me on a downward spiral. I have now got to climb back up and I know I will and hopefully you can too.I hope that in the future I can learn how to deal with the triggers.I hope eventually I can control the depression not it control me.Without hope we dont have much.
I hope that knowing there is someone who understands how you are feeling, but is hard to say more without knowing your circumstances.
please look for the light, you are not alone

[balcony]

Hi Nyx, and welcome to the forums. It sounds as if you have been a brave warrior battling your depression, congratulations on all the work you have done. Please don't give up on your search. New medications and combinations of medications with sustained therapy do help many people cope better with depression. Keep trying and know that this place welcomes your stories and is ready to offer support where we can. I hope you will check out the chat room at DU, it is another resource. There are many people who feel as you do and it is safe place to share your experiences and give/receive support. Take care.