Quarter-Century of Uselessness
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 6:56 am
My name is Aaron, I'm diagnosed with bi-polar, depression, social anxiety, and ADD. I just turned 25 this past Monday and have effectively done nothing of worth with a quarter-century of living. I don't know how to drive a car, which is part of my crippling fear of responsibility for the lives of others. I'm afraid driving will put myself and everyone else on the road I'm on in danger. I've never worked a job - aside from an hour in a plant before the anxiety caused me to fall out in the floor - and I'm too afraid to get one of the retail jobs or food service jobs in our area because of the social anxiety and how overly sensitive I am towards people being rude to me.
I see people my age and younger that have a plan for their life, many have jobs and are on their way up in the world, some even have families and are living the American dream. I on the other hand am little more than an overgrown child. I'm 6'3 and weigh close to 300 lbs, but on the inside I'm a little kid, scared of everything and afraid of growing up.
I pretty much feel worthless. Like nobody needs me, nobody ever will need me, much less want/love me. I had one girl who seemed to think I hung the moon, I asked her to move here (to Georgia, from Arizona) and be my wife and she she accepted, but my issues ran her off before it happened. I feel too screwed up to ever to the point where someone could care about me again, so I feel hopelessly lonesome.
I've missed out on so much cause of the crippling fear and anxiety I have and it cost me all I could have hoped for in terms of a relationship, so I pretty much just feel broken and alone like a neglected toy. I'm not suicidal in the sense of wanting to do myself in, but I don't want to live and as such don't do a very good job of taking care of myself. Go days without a shower, only eat unhealthy stuff and my only liquid consumption is Sprite or Coca-Cola. I feel like a hopeless, lost cause.
I see people my age and younger that have a plan for their life, many have jobs and are on their way up in the world, some even have families and are living the American dream. I on the other hand am little more than an overgrown child. I'm 6'3 and weigh close to 300 lbs, but on the inside I'm a little kid, scared of everything and afraid of growing up.
I pretty much feel worthless. Like nobody needs me, nobody ever will need me, much less want/love me. I had one girl who seemed to think I hung the moon, I asked her to move here (to Georgia, from Arizona) and be my wife and she she accepted, but my issues ran her off before it happened. I feel too screwed up to ever to the point where someone could care about me again, so I feel hopelessly lonesome.
I've missed out on so much cause of the crippling fear and anxiety I have and it cost me all I could have hoped for in terms of a relationship, so I pretty much just feel broken and alone like a neglected toy. I'm not suicidal in the sense of wanting to do myself in, but I don't want to live and as such don't do a very good job of taking care of myself. Go days without a shower, only eat unhealthy stuff and my only liquid consumption is Sprite or Coca-Cola. I feel like a hopeless, lost cause.