New to this...
Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:53 pm
Hi, I'm new to this site and I'm not sure where else to go. I'm looking for genuine advice from people dealing with depression.
My basic background story is pretty long, but I guess I have to start somewhere.
I'm from my moms second marriage. She had 3 children (however one child passed away which triggered the divorce). She met my father and they married and had me within about a year. I always felt disconnected with my siblings as if I wasn't supposed to be there. Its a ridiculous feeling I know, and they really didn't do much to exclude me, it was just a natural feeling. Anyhow there are certain comments I can't forget which really have contributed to my depression; for example my sister told me during a fight "if you were my real blood you don't even know what I would do to you." This stung, and still does sting I still actually cry about this because its an overwhelming feeling of being unwanted that I hadn't previously realized. Another comment was one I was never meant to hear. My parents were arguing and my mother told my father that she should have aborted me. I don't have many words to describe the emotions I feel when remembering this, but it does make me feel like I should not be here.
My parents constantly fight, and I have no one to talk to partially because I do not like expressing family issues to others and my siblings are very disconnected with the issue as they are older and do not really care anyways. I feel very alone and trapped. I have considered running away however I know this is an unrealistic goal. I am in university and work a menial job.
On top of all the other various childhood background information contributing to my depression, my mother suffers from it so it is genetically passed down as well. I have recently become more angry, and I distance myself from my family. I am the total opposite outside of my home, and am known to be very funny, charismatic etc. However I find it impossible to keep this facade on in my home.
I have struggled with self image and self worth my entire life. Everything I do never seems to be good enough (for me).
I apologize for this extremely long rant, but I have no where else to go.
I am looking for people who suffer with daily depression and I just want to know what you do as an outlet? Have you made progressions and how so? I want to know there is a light at the end of my tunnel without using medications which I have been suggested to take.
My basic background story is pretty long, but I guess I have to start somewhere.
I'm from my moms second marriage. She had 3 children (however one child passed away which triggered the divorce). She met my father and they married and had me within about a year. I always felt disconnected with my siblings as if I wasn't supposed to be there. Its a ridiculous feeling I know, and they really didn't do much to exclude me, it was just a natural feeling. Anyhow there are certain comments I can't forget which really have contributed to my depression; for example my sister told me during a fight "if you were my real blood you don't even know what I would do to you." This stung, and still does sting I still actually cry about this because its an overwhelming feeling of being unwanted that I hadn't previously realized. Another comment was one I was never meant to hear. My parents were arguing and my mother told my father that she should have aborted me. I don't have many words to describe the emotions I feel when remembering this, but it does make me feel like I should not be here.
My parents constantly fight, and I have no one to talk to partially because I do not like expressing family issues to others and my siblings are very disconnected with the issue as they are older and do not really care anyways. I feel very alone and trapped. I have considered running away however I know this is an unrealistic goal. I am in university and work a menial job.
On top of all the other various childhood background information contributing to my depression, my mother suffers from it so it is genetically passed down as well. I have recently become more angry, and I distance myself from my family. I am the total opposite outside of my home, and am known to be very funny, charismatic etc. However I find it impossible to keep this facade on in my home.
I have struggled with self image and self worth my entire life. Everything I do never seems to be good enough (for me).
I apologize for this extremely long rant, but I have no where else to go.
I am looking for people who suffer with daily depression and I just want to know what you do as an outlet? Have you made progressions and how so? I want to know there is a light at the end of my tunnel without using medications which I have been suggested to take.