New to this...

[ShesUnknown]

Hi, I'm new to this site and I'm not sure where else to go. I'm looking for genuine advice from people dealing with depression.
My basic background story is pretty long, but I guess I have to start somewhere.
I'm from my moms second marriage. She had 3 children (however one child passed away which triggered the divorce). She met my father and they married and had me within about a year. I always felt disconnected with my siblings as if I wasn't supposed to be there. Its a ridiculous feeling I know, and they really didn't do much to exclude me, it was just a natural feeling. Anyhow there are certain comments I can't forget which really have contributed to my depression; for example my sister told me during a fight "if you were my real blood you don't even know what I would do to you." This stung, and still does sting I still actually cry about this because its an overwhelming feeling of being unwanted that I hadn't previously realized. Another comment was one I was never meant to hear. My parents were arguing and my mother told my father that she should have aborted me. I don't have many words to describe the emotions I feel when remembering this, but it does make me feel like I should not be here.
My parents constantly fight, and I have no one to talk to partially because I do not like expressing family issues to others and my siblings are very disconnected with the issue as they are older and do not really care anyways. I feel very alone and trapped. I have considered running away however I know this is an unrealistic goal. I am in university and work a menial job.
On top of all the other various childhood background information contributing to my depression, my mother suffers from it so it is genetically passed down as well. I have recently become more angry, and I distance myself from my family. I am the total opposite outside of my home, and am known to be very funny, charismatic etc. However I find it impossible to keep this facade on in my home.
I have struggled with self image and self worth my entire life. Everything I do never seems to be good enough (for me).
I apologize for this extremely long rant, but I have no where else to go.
I am looking for people who suffer with daily depression and I just want to know what you do as an outlet? Have you made progressions and how so? I want to know there is a light at the end of my tunnel without using medications which I have been suggested to take.

[Obayan]

Hi. I've heard very similar comments most my life. I know how you feel. You are not alone. The way I deal is I try to live the best kind of life I know how and when I get really down, I get creative. I can do just about any home craft you can think of. I just love takeing a bunch of nothing and putting it all together and make something that's beautifull. It kind of gives me hope that this nothing that's inside of me can one day be beautifull too.