I feel like my constant crying is due to all the stressful things that have happened to me in my life recently that make me feel like a horrible person, and also make me worry about my future. I am only 18 years old, but in late June I discovered I got chlymadia and had to deal with going to the doctors and getting medicine on my own since my mom didn't know I wasn't a virgin, and the stress and shamefulness of it all. Luckily, that disease cleared and I was feeling a lot better. But then, in August during a college sport practice I was in so much pain and later went to the emergency room. The e.r. people had thought I had gotten pelvic inflamatory infection, but when I went to see a gynecologist they told me it wasn't P.I.D. it was a 4cm ovarian cyst. So, after all the drama of the emergency room and finding out I had a cyst and taking medicine I felt like things were getting better, but being away from home started getting to me. I felt especially sad that I missed out on seeing my sister have her first child ( my first nephew), and family events and everything. Not to mention the stress of being a college athlete on top of that just made it all so much worse in September... Then recently, last week I thought I had a sore throat, but a few days later I could barely breath or swallow and went to the emergency room again and found out I have mono. So I can't even play my college sport for a whole month and can't see my nephew at all yet since I'm contagious . When I told my parents about my mono, my mom decided to fly me home for a week so that I could rest and regain strength, which I have. I honestly have felt like I am healing, and it was great to be around family and friends, and have that support and TLC that I don't always get at college. But the thing that kills me about my life recently.. is that wheneber I think life starts looking up I get knocked down again. Like I was taking a bath and started to examine different things to see if I was normal, and I am not for sure but I think I could potentially have genital warts because I saw tiny little bumps on my genital area..not huge scary ones like the kind you see on google that make you scared to death if you have the disease, but tiny bumps. I am so scared, I know that people live with genital warts and end up living life regularly. I know I am being a little bit of a baby about it all, and realize so many people in the world are suffering way worse than me, but it doesn't change the way I feel.. I feel like I was already kicked down, and each time some medical or emotional issue occurs I get kicked down more and become weaker and more depressed... I really don't know what to do. I just am scared if I do end up having it, that I won't be able to live a normal life and find a husband who will love me regardless of it and the ability to have kids with them, and not always feel ashamed about myself.. that's what I really want. I want to rewind time and take back how I trusted shitty people who did me wrong so that half of these bad things wouldn't have happened, and so that I wouldn't always be crying or having to go to doctors appointments and checkups so much
P.S. Sorry this is so long.. I just really felt like I needed to vent all this out