starting a new life but means leaving some loved ones behind

[koolmodee21209]

I have recently moved 12000 miles away from home,on my own to start a new life as there was not much left for me in my old life,sure i had friends and family that were great to me through all the struggles i went thru the last couple of years but the love of my life destroyed me february of last year,i found out she was cheating on me from my doctor,(im sure you can piece it together),she had a rough childhood,and we were together 4 years and i stood by her through alot,and she was good to me also,but her childhood traumas ended up causing me a hell i never wanted,she had a child for me who is 2 in december,i was delighted although a little stressed financially due to lack of work in my profession,joy was soon destroyed with my doctors news,when i dug deeper,i found cheating had gone on before during and after the pregnancy,my world was turned upside down,i moved away last month to try get work to provide for my son,and to try find happiness again,its been a struggle the last 2 years to pull it together again,im happier but i long to be a proper father and a family man and i had it all ruined on me in the worst ways possible,im hoping to find new love even but trust is a huge issue,i just dont know where to begin with anything since ive moved away,i miss my son dearly,and i know moving away might seem selfish,but i was at breaking point,im still in a hell at the far end of the world,and i know ill never get to live with my son if i had to stay at home,im so confused and tormented

[jj]

hey koolmodee

sending huge hugs your way. im so sorry to hear what you went through. i think with trust though, it will come back eventually, but you have had your trust broken, you gave that to someone and they abused it. so natrually you are keeping your defences up at the moment, to protect yourself from getting hurt again. in time though, this will relax, and youll be able to trust and love again. i dont think its bad you moved away, as you said you are doing it so you have work to provide for your son right? i think that is very admirable!

hang in there buddy, i hope things shape up for you soon

jj

[koolmodee21209]

thanks jj,yea trust is taking so long to get back again,its been two years and still feels raw at times,partially because i have to make contact through that person to see how my son is,i just feel guilty at times for leaving him because i always wanted to be there for him,but on the plus side of moving away im feeling more positive and driven with new challenges facing me,and most of that drive is through him because i hope to give him a fighting chance for a future for him,and to be honest and a bit selfish for me also,things have been coming together for me bit by bit since i first posted and i have a good feeling on everything,thanks for your kind words,its nice to be able to share these things and get a comforting response,big hugs to u also