Depression Understood Forums

Hi!
I joined this forum because I am truly desperate, and that sounded a good idea. I am suicidal since the age 15, that's all i think about every day of my life. I cry every single day.

A at the age 15 I started with Bulimia and SI.

I am 25 now, and I am very skinny, and I have problems to think and talk sometimes, but I've never been at the hospital for more than 1 day.

I've been sleeping more than before, it's like my body is "practicing" for this, like my brain is always saying "don't wake up, keep sleeping". it's really too painful for me wake up everyday just to cry.

I don't have treatment for depression. Right now, i'm only eating 1 time every day. One day i eat, and on the other I drink just water.
I weight 43kgs, and I am 1.67m in the moment.

Death is forever, and that we must consider many things, mainly how your family will feel...

Every day I wake up to crying... I just feel I can't take this anymore. I am happy when i sleep.

I hear many offences everyday because of this, but I don't care.
you just understand when you feel.
It's easy to judge.

Edit: August 6th

You aren't alone. I used to go to bed every night praying that this would be my last day. I went to therapy, got on medication, and it helped some. Mostly it was me and my attitude that made the most direct changes and impact. Now, I'm glad i wasn't successfull in my attempt. I look back and see what all i would have missed out on and am gratefull for what i don't even know is going to happen. Hang in there hon. This is a battle worth winning.

Obayan wrote:You aren't alone. I used to go to bed every night praying that this would be my last day. I went to therapy, got on medication, and it helped some. Mostly it was me and my attitude that made the most direct changes and impact. Now, I'm glad i wasn't successfull in my attempt. I look back and see what all i would have missed out on and am gratefull for what i don't even know is going to happen. Hang in there hon. This is a battle worth winning.

I wish I could.

Hi

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling in such a down way. I know you feel alone and very much in pain but there are places you can go where there are people dealing with the same problems that you have and can help you get a better understanding of why you struggle with these problems and feel the way you do.

Dont be afraid of seeking help for depression or anything that you would like to change in your life. Most of the time it is the greatest experience anyone can have. People seem to open up and share more than you could ever imagine and it seems to make your own story seem like nothing in comparison.

Im like you in that I find when I am going through depression that sleep seems to be a very nice quiet and comfortable place where I dont have to deal with anyone or anything except this cant work for me because I have 3 children and I see how it affects them. They seem to get depressed when I am not there for them. This seems to motivate me to get up and make the surroundings and atmosphere more up and alert, it seems to make them happy so I find its worth my effort.

I cant imagine waking only to find myself crying daily, in your case I think you cry because you seem to be caught in a situation that you truly cant understand and you dont have the tools in which to cope with the mental or physical aspects of what you're going through.

The biggest step you can take in changing things in your life is to really reach out to others. Im not talking about online but in person. There is strength in seeking help, more than you know or could ever expect. whenever I have reached out and sought help it was actually a beautiful experience the way people were so open and honest and shared stories that I found made mines look like nothing. I would say that entering therapy was the only experience where I felt like God had to be involved for everyone to have been so open and concerned for one another.

So dont sit there alone and crying everyday. Know that you want change and take the first step, which is all takes to change the way your days are.

I wish you much luck and I pray that you will make a call to someone who deals with the kind of issues you have.