Is there anyone out there like me?

[ericanicole]

To start, my story is similar to yours, yet completely different as well. As I read the heartbreaking stories posted on this forum, it is completely obvious why some of you suffer from depression. Things that have happened in your past led to it and is typically expected after events such as the ones I have read about. This is what makes my story completely different. I have no reason to be depressed.

Around 4 years ago, I started to have random spans of depression. I just did not feel like myself and was often tired and low energy. The depression would leave for a while, then come back. But at the time, it was not something that particularly bothered me. Around 2 years ago, it started becoming alot more frequent, and I found myself depressed in even the most positive atmospheres.

Lately, my depression has been at its peak. Back in January, I suffered from a panic attack that led me to pay a visit to my doctor. When you have anxiety issues, you worry that the anxiety is something worse, and generally you do not have any comfort until it is confirmed. When I saw my doctor, she told me that what I was feeling was anxiety and did not even suggest putting me on meds, much to my relief. She told me that since I am young(at the time I was 17, I am now 18 ) I have a good chance of getting it under control myself. She spent a half hour just talking to me about how to handle my feelings and I really felt that she truly cared. After that visit, my anxiety let up some, and I found ways to help keep it off. (For me, my best defense was prayer) I am starting college next month, so I relate alot of my feelings to that. Most people are anxious and nervous to start school in a whole new area where they know no one. But honestly, thats the only thing in my life that is a reasonable cause for anxiety and depression. Everything else in my life is good-- my home life is great and I have alot to look forward to in my future. But for some reason, my thoughts are often negative. However, I do notice that when my thoughts are positive, the anxiety is gone. But since my thoughts are often bad, I feel the anxiety too much. I can not seem to get my thoughts away from death. That is all I think about anymore for God knows what reason. No one close to me has died or is deathly ill, thank God. However, this past school year, my school suffered from the death of 5 boys. It took a toll on everyone and was a wake up call to many. Maybe that has a part in my thoughts about death? I never think about suicide-- I am scared of death, so I would never think about bringing it upon myself-- nor would I ever dream of inducing that sort of pain on my friends and family. But these thoughts have made the anxiety worse and I find myself sad and not enjoying life anymore. With all I have to look forward to, it just doesnt seem fair. I hate complaining about this to all of you when most of you have legit reasons to be depressed and feel anxiety, but I had to share my story with somebody. I am sick and tired of feeling this way. Speaking of tired, i find myself constantly tired anymore. However, I try to find time to work out atleast 4 times a week. And my findings with that are that I feel alot better when I am working out and active than when I am just sitting around. But because of my depression and anxiety, there are plenty of days when I just want to lay in bed and sleep. Is there anyone out there who can relate to me? I honestly feel like I am losing myself.

[Obayan]

Depression doesn't always need a reason to be hon. Sometimes it just is. But yours is no less important than anyone else's. Try not to compare yourself to others here. You feel pain. THat's all that matters. You deserve help. Happiness doesn't come from those around us or from what he own. It comes from inside. I hope you find that inside of you.

btw, we also have a chat room here if you wanna check it out.

[ericanicole]

thank you so much and i have already started feeling a little better lately.

[gummiebear36]

I think I know how you feel. I do also experience seasonal bouts of deep depression. Usually, it happens because I have too much time to think about negative thoughts and have very few people whom i am comfortable talking about my depressed thoughts. So when I really feel sad and scared to confine with someone, I try to keep myself busy so that i could avoid thinking about negative thoughts.