Depression Understood Forums

So my name is Julie I'm 14 and live in Pennsylvania... I've never done this kind of thing before. I've recently come to terms with the fact that I am depressed, I knew but I just didn't want to accept it.
So my life? I live with my mother. My father left her before I was even born. I am the youngest and my moms only girl I have two older brothers one is 27 and lives in Philadelphia while we live near Pittsburgh. The other is part of my problems, he will be 20 in August. He still lives with mom, doesn't have a job and begs mom for cigarette money. He is going to culinary school I give him that much but he has to have my moms boyfriend take him to a the bus stop at 7 in the morning because he doesn't have a drivers license or permit. Whats worse is he smokes weed pretty much all day it shouldn't bug me I know but it does. He is part of my problems because he always calls me a fat bitch. I know I'm overweight and I don't need him telling me. Basically I know I'm his little sister but I just want to be respected (I know this is weird but I'm addicted to pop and he asked if he could have some of my pop and I said no because he always told me no. Since hes older he didn't listen to me and took some anyway. and that pissed me off since my mom didn't even defend me even though she knows what its like since she is addicted to pop too.) Which brings me to my next problem my mom. She was a single mother most of my life she recently found a guy and only a month after dating he moved in with us. They always fight... Anyway recently I've been having to go the doctors to get birth control because I have a cyst on my ovary. My doctor took me off for a while because I've been having 'panic attacks' when they kept happening she got me back on and told me I should go to a therapist for anxiety. thats has been about 3 weeks ago and I keep telling my mom to make a therapy appointment but she hasn't yet so that makes me feel like she doesn't care. I really don't know who I am or who my friends are. The only real friend I have is my cousin who is also depressed (depression runs in our family.) My mom always tells me I'm a bitch which hurts me and I don't think she cares. The only real father figure is my brothers father (we all have different fathers) but hes an alcoholic. I've tried to to kill myself by suffocation and thought of it many times. I just really want to be loved by anyone at this point.

KJulie,

Sounds like things are rough. Is there anyone else that you can turn to? Any other family members? Someone you can trust from school? It sounds like you're alone and need to feel some support. It seems hard to trust someone, especially when you are depressed. It feels like they won't understand, but it is helpful to confide in someone.

I hope things get better.

Dear Julie,

Does your mother have insurance that will pay for the counselor? If yes, see if you can find out what type you have, and better yet, if you can get your card. If you can go online to the website for that insurance and look up the therapists; then you call and make an appointment or give your mother the phone number to call.

If you do not have insurance, ask your school counselor what options there may be for you.

Your situation is very difficult, and being only 14 adds to your inability to get help for yourself. I am very impressed with how aware you are of your situation and those around you. It sounds like your mother is lost in her relationship with her boyfriend, it sounds like your brother is lost in his dysfunctional world and vents out at you to make himself feel better about himself.

I know this may sound overwhelming, but I think it would help you if you began the process to let go of your addiction to pop. I know it seems impossible to do. I was addicted to coke and pepsi. Due to weight gain and depression in my own life, I had to take at least one action to prove to myself I could force positive change in my life. I started with not allowing myself to drink soda for one week and only drink water. I like ice water. It was difficult at first and then I felt proud. At the end of the week, I decided I could have one glass of juice, but no soda. But even through I could have juice, I decided to give it another week of only water to drink. It has been a few months now, and although I have had a sprite or root beer a few times, I never went back to coke or pepsi and never will. I am no longer a soda drinker.

Soda has no value for your body, and harms it. You can live without soda, and in time you will not even desire it. Please consider giving it a try.

I think a support group for those that are overweight would be very helpful for you. Have you tried to find one online? It would be nice if there was such a group at your school.

Your family does not seem to be able to be supportive of one another. As I mentioned, your mom seems lost in her relationship with her boyfriend.

The years will go by and you will become an adult. Once you are an adult you will have options that you do not have now. I believe focus on your pop addiction is something you can do now at your age. Start with just allowing the idea you are going to stop drinking pop to enter your mind; that is the first step before you even stop.

Julie, you will be out of this situation at some point, but you have to get older before you can leave it. I hope your mom wakes up soon and breaks from the relationship so she can focus on her children.

Take care,
Kathy

Hi Julie,

My heart goes out to you. It is difficult being a teenager anyway, but the
added stress of an unsupportive family makes it much worse.

I think talking with the school counselor is a positive step in the right
direction. They have resources for assistance that you may not know of.
If the school couselor is not as helpful as you need him/her to be, ask to talk to the principal. Continue to be proactive for yourself. Reaching out
in this manner was your first step. Continue to be proactive in taking care
of yourself.

Is there somewhere safe you can take a walk each day to help clear your head? You may be surprised how different you may feel.
Be sure it is a safe place to take a walk!

I believe you are a courageous girl. Reaching out on this website proves that. You have a lot of self worth. Trust yourself. Never give up on yourself.

On my 16th birthday, I came home from school to find my mother's bags packed at the door. She informed me that she was leaving. She said I could go with her or stay she didn't care but she was leaving. Since we had already moved 3 times that year I was afraid of failing in school, so I stayed. To this day I'm not sure if that was a good or bad decision on my part. But I do know I was alone, hurt, felt unwanted and unloved. Those feelings still haunt me today.

Members of your family have major issues. I say to you, be strong! Continue to seek the help you need. What ever your goals may be,
believe that you are capable of achieving them.


God bless,

Dee