jeffrey's story

[Jeff]

Hello, my name is Jeffrey.

About a year ago I was accepted to the college of my dreams and was elated at the idea of finally heading off to be on my own.

One semester later, I utterly failed out and didn't even get close to the required GPA to return. The worst part is that I lied to the parents over the course of the semester. Well, I don't know if lied is the best thing to call it, but rather I avoided it.

It's not like I was a horrible kid in college, either. I mean, I did drink and smoke but I never let it get in the way of my schoolwork. Failing was always a possibility in the back of my head but I never imagined it to come.

So I was home for good in January, and it took the better part of the month for my parents to finally start talking to me. Word was out that I failed out of school, and I could just see and hear people snickering behind my back. It was then that I also started to eat junk food all the time and I have gained 15 pounds since I failed out. I was always a healthy weight before, but now it's starting to get out of hand.

On top of all this, I would cry myself to sleep every night, not wondering what the future might hold for me. Ever since, I have turned to alcohol. About four times a week now I drink so that I don't have to cry myself to sleep. I wait until everyone goes to sleep (I have three siblings) and then retrieve the bottle of alcohol (that I usually buy from co-workers, since I am only 19) and drink until I felt good. I would watch TV and finally be content with myself. As horrible as it sounds, this is the time I am happiest.

The worst part is that no one around me knows this is happening. My parents are extremely supportive of me now but our relationship will forever be strained.

I am currently enrolled in classes at a university for the time being, but I am worried that without motivation I will never get back to the university full-time.

But that doesn't help. My friends make fun of me to my face about being stupid, and I know they talk behind my back about the way I smell and my weight. I just know it.

I am a very sad person. I just don't have anything that makes me happy. I don't want to hurt myself or end my life, but I certainly would like a second chance at the university. I know I would do things differently, I just know.

By the way, I am seeing a psychiatrist and while it is helping I still need some motivation.

[crystalgaze]

Just one thing.....

If your friends make fun of you, then THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.


Just a hello & a hug! ((((((((((((((((((( Jeffrey )))))))))))))))))))))))))