Depression Understood Forums

I have struggled with depression since the death of my father at 14, to be quite honest I had a nervous breakdown. My childhood was not a happy one and my Mother made it quite clear when my father died that since there was no financial gain in parenting for her anymore she wasn't interested. At 14 I was the main caregiver to my special needs 4 year old sister and my brother was removed from our home because children's aid felt his needs for a health issue were not being met by my mother. I wasn't mature enough to handle the stress in my life and I have struggled the last 10 years to be ok.
Here's the thing, I have a degree in business, a job I love and excel at but I find myself lonely and isolated. I am also recently out of a serious relationship, which I followed with a disastrous and to soon rebound which I still feel guilty about (I used the poor guy to feel better, and just felt worse). I had never been in a serious relationship before and enjoyed being single, now I don't know how I should spend my time. All of my friends live in other cities and my life centred around this man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. So here I am, with my career and professional life being so great (I'm afraid it will be affected soon by how lonely and hopeless I'm feeling) and my personal life basically non-existent. I'm not interested in meds but my sleep schedule is totally wrecked and even when I do sleep I'm still exhausted. Counselling would be the best possible solution but circumstances aren't agreeing with that need. So here I am, online, hoping spilling my guts to perfect strangers will help and needing desperately to feel like myself again... whoever that might be.

Hi. I'm sorry it has been so hard for you. One thing you might try is finding a group in your area that shares the same interests. Movies, books, crafts, etc.... Great way to meet new people and being socialising again. I hope it works out for you cause it sounds like you have a lot to offer someone.

(((((((obayan)))))))) is right that if you find groups you are interested in like community theatre or clubs that would be an excellent way of socializing. Another thing I have found is volunteering, whether for charitable, cause-related, or political groups. The right volunteer opportunity can be very enriching and help you feel good, along with meeting new people. What about professional societies associated with your job? Are there for instance chamber of commerce after hours events you could attend and meet people?

Some counselors have evening hours and groups in the evening. I don't know if that's available in your area but it sounds like you have some very terrible childhood events you may need to work through. I have found, unfortunately, when we don't get help and deal with things that are truly devastating and just try to go on as if nothing happened, they can come back to haunt you and even paralyze you emotionally. It would be great if you could take a long lunch every other week one day and see a therapist or find one who can see you in the evening. I would hate to see it get so bad it affects your work, after you've worked so hard to build your career and been successful. So it would be great if you could get some help now.

Meds work for some people but for many they don't, and often cause many side effects. Especially since it sounds like you are dealing with past events and loneliness instead of simple chemical imbalance, you are probably wise pursuing therapy if you can.

There is a chatroom associated with this site too, that can help ease loneliness sometimes, talking with others who understand. Socializing on the internet can sometimes feel a little frustrating though, face to face is best if you can find some ways to socialize. There's a meetup group on line in the usa that you can look at for social events in your city or area that might interest you. What about house of worship? If you have a faith, that can be a good way of meeting people and enriching at the same time.

Big big hugs ((((((((aimless))))))))) and welcome to the forum!