Depression Understood Forums

My name is Duncan.

Since puberty I have been aware of unhappy feelings and I have reached a point in life where I don't know who I am or if anything of my past was real or not. When I was 17 I finally spoke out to my mom (who I wasn't living with) and the self realisation that I was unhappy turned everything upside down. I went on medication for about 5 months and then went off it so I could resume my previous lifestyle of pot smoking and drinking (smoked pot with my stepmom who introduced it to me when I was 15). I feel that I had the chance then to deal with my issues but instead pushed them away. I've been reading up on 'Identity crisis'. It is said that youths experiencing an Identity crisis say things like, "I don't know who I am!" When I was 17, I distinctly remember saying this in an emotional slump.

I am now 19 and I feel I am going in circles, constantly questioning every small little detail. I have short periods (3 weeks) where I start to feel amazing and I identify with my old buddies, I go out drinking, I smoke pot etc. I think I am beginning to understand that an Identity crisis may be what is at work here, and that the old me that parties, smokes up etc. is the person trying to fit in and have an identity. I also worry that I have one or another personality disorder and also feel that I am crazy! I decided to join this forum in the hope that someone els out there has or is experiencing much of the same.

Thanks for offering this service for free.
Duncan

hey Duncan,

im 19 too and everything is confusing too. i dont know why it happens either but ive been told maybe its just part of us growing up... i mean i have lots of days where im like what am i doing? why am i like this? do i even want to do this, do i like what i am doing? and other days where i feel sure of myself and know what i want etc. i think its a fine line between just being unsure cos we are starting adult life and need to find our way, or if it is because of depression/whatever disorder we may have. i think talking about it is good tho, instead of it just swirling around in your mind getting more and more complicated.

what makes you think you might have a personality disorder? have you ever sought some professional advice on this? the thing is, if you do have some sort of disorder, the best thing you can do is to find out, because then you know what you are dealing with and can start to find a way to manage it in your life.

also when you were on the meds did you find that they helped? also do you ever think maybe smoking the pot could have caused these thoughts? or if not caused them, then if you already had them, smoking it might have heightened these thoughts? maybe you should stop smoking it again for a while and see how you feel then. can you still hang around with your buddies but not have to smoke?

jj