Just want to talk it out

[rdhgirl]

I really don't know where to begin. I've been married for 10 years. Things have been ok. We have had our ups and downs like every other marriage. He's a descent husband. He supports me and cares for me. There was a time when he put forth no effort into our relationship, and that really hurt me. A couple years ago he started drinking heavily and did not respect me at all. I think that was the turning point for me. Since then I don't look at him the same. The past couple years he has started trying. There are times when I don't feel like trying or putting effort into our relationship anymore though. I feel bad, because I know he's trying hard, but I'm just not that into it.
I'm finishing my degree, and I have been really stressed out with school. I just recently found out that I cannot have children the natural way. So, we have to go through fertility treatments. We have been getting geared up for that, and then we found out that I need to have more tests. So, there is a chance that fertility won't work for us. My life really isn't that bad, but yet I feel miserable. It's gradually getting worse. I know that my lack of not being able to share my feelings with others does not help. I cry A LOT, and just want to be alone. I never really noticed how much I enjoy being alone until my husband started traveling. I'm not suicidal, but there are nights when I actually pray that something bad will happen to me so I can get out of my life. I really don't want to take medications to get myself through this or to mask the problem.
Is this a stage in life that a lot of people go through? How can I jump start myself back into the happy person that I used to be? Will different medications help me "jump start" myself back to being normal?
Thanks for "listening"

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Welcome rdhgirl and hello,

Seems you are doing the right thing, trying and asking questions. I don't have the answers, but talking to a professional may help. Talk with your doctor, seeks his advice perhaps?

We also have a chat room connected with this forum, maybe go in there, chat with people. Surprisingly to hear others talk, sharing the same if not close to your feelings and situation.

Hope you do in fact visit the chat room, great caring people in there.

Warmsoul