Depression Understood Forums

Not sure where to start, but here goes. I am 32 years old and am from Kentucky. I've spent the last 2 or 3 years, living mostly in isolation. I live alone. I don't go places, not because I don't want to, but because I freeze any time it comes down to the wire on stepping a foot out of my door. I force myself to make the occasional trip out for an appointment and then I don't feel relaxed or able to take a free breath again until I'm back inside my home. On average, I only go places once or twice a year. I've lived for years with depression since my teens but what I'm going through for the last few years is "new".

I wasn't always like this, I use to have friends. I use to go places and experience things. I always loved being outdoors, in the sunshine. I loved going to my moms and helping plant her flower garden in the spring,.. I loved life. Tonight, I googled for depression help and found this site. Here I see that I'm not as alone as I have felt for so long. Maybe here, I can begin to understand myself and hopefully begin reclaiming the life I once had.

I was like that after my husband died. I still am a bit. One thing I started was going places with my daughter with me. She went everywhere I did. If she didn't go, neither did I. And that even included the doctor and the grocery store. Then, I started sitting on my porch without her. Just for 5 mintues. Then 10. Then 15. I'm up to going outside without her on my porch for an hour a day and I can go to a fast food place without her as long as I don't get out of my car. It's not much, but it's more than I used to be able to do. I had to note the changes I was makeing along with the successess and failures in a log. That way I could see even the tiniest of changes that were happening. I know it's a long road. And even longer if you've isolated for a long time. But it is possible to overcome. I wish you the best of luck.