What makes me feel depressed and lonely

[CTtech99]

Hi all,

This will probably be a very long post, so bear with me.

I am 32 years old (male) and it really gets to me that I am still alone, with love nowhere in sight.

I have tried everything from online dating, singles meetups, church singles clubs, and even paying over $900 for a dating service that got me nowhere.

I have never been in any relationship of any kind, no matter how hard I try, and I just don't understand what people don't see in me.

It just seems that anyone that has any of the qualities that I am looking for in someone are either taken, or don't see me as more than just a friend.

I have what I feel are a lot of good qualities, and figured SOMEONE out there would be looking for those qualities - I don't like p*rn, I'm not into drinking/clubbing/partying, I don't use drugs, and I would be very loyal to my partner and do anything and everything I could to make her feel loved and appreciated. but for some reason, no one wants to see this in me.

Everyone tells me the right one will come along some day but every day that goes by, I just keep losing hope. I don't want to be one of those guys who end up in their 40's and 50's and never got married, and honestly, I'd rather not even live if that's what was meant to be the outcome for me.

I want to feel loved by someone, and I want to find my partner and have a life long happy relationship. I want someone to hold hands with, go shopping with, to bring to family functions and big events like holiday parties and picnics. I want someone who I can come home to and talk about my day. I want someone to fill the empty seat next to me in the car, the empty space next to me in bed, (no I don't mean anything dirty here). I want someone to talk about what's on my ind, someone I can laugh, cry and share things with.

But every day I just wonder if I was ever meant to have anyone. To feel loved. To have companionship.

My parents have been married for 40+ years, happily at that. I want this to happen for me.

But I see my cousins, my age and younger, all getting married and having kids, and all my friends I grew up with, some who are 10+ years younger than me, all getting married or involved in relationships.

I realize, yes, some of these people are not happy and/or are divorced. And part of me says I am doing the right thing by waiting for the right person to come along. But the other part of me is saying "what is wrong with me?" What is wrong with me that no one will take an interest in me to be more than friends? What am I doing wrong? What don't people see in me?

Another thing that tears me up about the whole thing, is I have chosen to remain a virgin all this time by choice. I have chosen to because I thought by now my partner would have come along and she would appreciate that. I wanted sex to happen in a meaningful relationship, and not just some casual hookup. I had hopes that my first time would also be her first time.

At my age, it's hard to find people that don't have kids, let alone being a virgin. And it bothers me because I have waited all this time and did what I felt was right and held on for my special partner.

As time goes on, I wish more and more i would have just gone out and let those kids in college hook me up like they always wanted to, and made fun of me for not wanting to "get laid". I know this sounds terrible of me, but at this point I'm ready to just hook up with someone just so I don't end up being a 40 year old virgin. And it's not even so much I want to have sex, as much as it is I just want someone to take enough interest in me to want to go that far. I mean....how many other people out there are my age and have never even had sex let alone be in a meaningful relationship?

My dreams since I was a kid were to marry a nice girl, buy a house, have a family, all that kind of stuff. And I just don't understand why it has never happened.

My friends and family tell me all the time to enjoy being single when I still can. But the thing is, I WANT to be married and live a married life.

I really wish I knew what I could change, or where to look to find people....ones that is who are single that have the qualities I am looking for.

I'm hoping someone can help me out here.

[new]

Hi there

I am new here but i would just like to offer you my opinion on your post.

I would first like to say that i really admire your view of relationships and seeing sex as as the special gift that it is. It's one thing to believe sex is special but its another to actually hold out for what you want without compromising what you believe. It's a really brave thing to do especially as you said your friends used to try and set you up with girls, but by standing up for what you believe and not giving in i think you are a really strong person

There is absolutley nothing wrong with you. ( i know you may think well how do you you havent met me) but i genuinly believe the problem, is that when we feel so down these negative feelings are internalised and we just blame ourselves. well i know that is what i do anyway. Instead of blaming ourselves and thinking what is wrong with me, we should be more focused on learning to be comfortable in our selves and loving who we are.

You shouldnt rely on another person to make you feel ok because that will never work as other people are unreliable/unpredictable and have their own things going on. It really has to come from within you.

I really believe that once you are happy and content within yourself, that is when you will be ready to meet someone to share yourself (the self you love) with.

Also sometimes when we feel low about ourselves it comes across to others maybe as us being distant or something else but really its because of how we feel inside.

So really the main thing is to learn to be happy with who we are and be happy on our own (im not saying this is easy AT ALL) but it is worth taking that journey because i think that is when you can truly share yourself with someone else.

I hope this helped i am only speaking from experience and advice that has been given to me in the past.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hello CTtech99,

Welcome to our peer-supportive forums for depression.

Hope you find the support for your depression, the purpose of the site.

Seems your post was more for seeking relationship, and that is not what we are about. Good luck with your search in that field.

Warmsoul/Moderate

[Mysticalflame]

Hello. Loneliness really does mess up with someone's mind right?

I feel the same way as you do. I am a decent person, I don't do drugs, I don't hook ups. Yet, no one seems to appreciate all these even though people had whining about wanting to date someone who is not a jerk/b*tch.

Life it seems, is just like the movies. The good guys always die first. & it's the bad guys that got the money and the ladies.

Well, it's just like what (((new))) says, we really shouldn't depend on others for our happiness. Owning an Iphone doesn't make us superior, just like being single doesn't mean we're not good. We need to feel happy from the bottom of our heart, if not, we'll never be satisfied and what's being festered at the end of the day is the pushing of the blame. "If only... then I would be happier..." There will be no end to this!

I applaud your patience and I encourage you to perserver on. I know it's hard to face this by yourself but you're never alone, know that. There are people who still loves you, but maybe not in the romantic sense. You just need to focus on these people, instead of thinking of those people who "rejected" you and you'll feel better. (I hope!)

I sincerely wish you'll find your partner soon! In the meantime, chin up and keep smiling! (:

[upanddowngirl]

Hi,

I feel your pain. I am real new here, I just signed up this afternoon. But I wanted to say keep smiling. Like someone else replied we should not get our satisfaction from someone else. I am married but am a lone a lot of the time, so it is as if I am single. He is either working or playing golf.

I don't want to preach to anyone or be violation of rules, but I know God and His love for me, but this week has a very difficult time for me. Gee, I am human too.

I don't have advice other than keep busy and be happy as best you can. Find some good friends, spend some time with them...or join some groups. I belong to a book club which helps some and have friends, but no one real close. When I worked and lived in another state I had lots of girl buddies. I have online friends which helps too.

Not sure what I am trying to say, other than keep smiling and one day that special girl will smile back.
I will keep you in my thoughts.

upanddowngirl