Lost...

[Silent_One]

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I have a history of sexual abuse through my dad and grandpa, which caused a severe depression when i was younger. i used to cut and take pills, but i stopped for the longest time...for years...and my depression would go off and on. Well the last year its been growing and growing and getting worse and worse and out of control. I tried therapists and doctors in the past and it never helped, it made things worse--made me want to kill myself worse. But as i was saying...its like random thoughts just pop into my head everyday now that i cant control. When i try not to think about them, it makes it worse, if i continue to it makes it even more horrible...my husband doesn't understand my depression and always feels as though he is doing something wrong...ive tried to explain that i cant control it and that i do the best i can to try and be happy but hes slowly losing patience because hes never been where i am now, never experienced it so all he has to go on is what i can tell him and it doesnt help him understand any better...i feel as though its ruining our relationship..like its going to eventually end things....i dont know what i can do..

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Silent_One,

Just a thought, but try the doctors again. With your husband seeing you are trying, perhaps he will also see that you can't control all this and will do his best to be supportive.

Wasn't a grandparent, but have been in your spot, it isn't easy to deal with for it always comes back to me, what did I do wrong, what could I have done? Point is, it wasn't my fault, I couldn't have done more than I did. We live with it, all we can do.

Just a suggestion, and letting you know we understand the best we can and give support.

Warmsoul

[crystalgaze]

((((((((( S1 ))))))))))))))))))

[Obayan]

((( silent one ))) all i can do is agree with what warmie said. See a doc. Let your husband know that you are trying.