Depression Understood Forums

Hello,

I am a 21 year old full time student, at an amazing school. I love the area of study I am going into and someday I hope to work with kids. I enjoy the great outdoors, and all is strange wondering. I am generally a happy person, but I have depression. I have never been able to speak about my depression openly. For me it has never been that easy. I have tried to hide it, or pretend that it is not part of me. This forum is actually the first time I have freely spoken about it. It is almost relieving.

I got on this forum because I felt very alone in this battle. I cannot go to my family, (it is to close to the holidays for me to have a melt down) and I do not feel comfortable talking to friends about it. I hope to hear form others who face the same battles. Other young people who are living with depression, and are making the best of it, from those who have had depression for years and are living good lives. I would like to hear form everyone! I really want to know that I am not alone.
I hope all who reads this luck,
AzGirl[/b]

AZGiRl, good choice at not telling the family around the holidays, last year my parents found out about how serious my issues were 4 days before x-mas it was horrible to say the least, but do talk to them at some point it makes things easier to have some people close to you know what you’re going through. You’re depression sounds a lot like mine; I love life most of the time, but sometimes things just get way dark for no explainable reason. I think the only thing to do is to live the most you can on your good days

Hey Eric,
LIfe is generally an a really amazing place with so many totally cool things. I'm glad you told me about your depression. That somedays just SUCK for no real reason. I just went through a really bad episode.
I think the holidays are some of the roughest time of the year for many many people. 2 or 3 Christmases I was in a really deep depression. I pretty much rooened Christmas ruined for everyone else This year i don't want to do that.
I hope you are doing well.
AzGirl

Well, yeah.... I have good days & not so good ones.... good moments & not so good ones.... I don't focus on the not so good ones.

I think I have probably been able to cope because I have chalked it up to "that's just life some days".

Usually, tomorrow is a better day for me. I try to start fresh & anew. If I take a nap during the day or simply recline in bed for a little bit, I usually feel rejuvenated enough.

I try to deal with it on my own because it's my battle, & nobody else really cares or gives a hoot anyway. We all have our own things to deal with in life.

It is my preference for the most part because I do not want anybody to be able to take advantage of me because "I was in a vulnerable state" or use what I've said in confidence against me. I've found people to be more supportive when I operate out of a mode of positivity. "Yeah I have some down days, but I know everything's going to be alright." (which surprisingly it has happened that way)

I never say I have depression, but what I do tell other people is that some days I just don't feel so good. They can understand that, so I leave it at that. I am very self-contained, but I am living my life according to my own rules. I think that's real important. They are my rules, & I can change them when I want, as often as I want.

I am always amazed at how there was a day I didn't think I was going to make it & wow, look at that.... I made it & in 1 piece too. I will always encourage everyone to find out if there isn't a physical cause because there is still a lot about the human body that is unknown.....

Ah.... I got carried away a bit....

Glad to see someone isn't repeating my mistake. My parents found out I was cutting myself on Thanksgiving last year and everyone in my family kept telling them to send me to a psychiatric ward or something. However, perhaps you should mention it to your family after the holidays are over; it might make you feel better and they might be able to help in some way through support.

I am very futurenate with my family, they are very supportive. My mom and brother once drove two hours to pick me up, and then on the way back home drove through several flooded roads and road closers, because I called and said i needed them. I am not scared of having something like that happen again, well yes I am scared of going to that place again. I am hoping to never go there agian!

I have a REALLY hard time talking about my feelings, I have an even harder time letting people in past the pretty face. Not very many people know when I am having a good day or bad day, I fake it pretty dam well. I don't know how to admit to people that I have a weakness, but I am stronger because of it. I don't know how to let people even get somewhat close. This is due partly to the fact that I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to hurt them by being in my dark place and uncarring. Saying or doing something that could hurt those around me. I don't know how to change this, I would like to! I don;t like keeping people so far away, always being on the outside.

I'm sorry for my rambling, but talking about this actually is kinda helping.
Thank you all very much!

You go right on ahead and ramble all you want hon. It does help. And we are listening.

(((( AzGirl ))), I don't think that you're " rambling " at all! ( I'm Welsh, now we Celts, we KNOW how to ramble, are adept at verbal embroidery, are capable of forming baroque word-pictures, are skilled in the artistry of linguistic sculptings of meaning...see what I mean? )
Seriously though, like you, I'm also feeling my way when it comes to knowing how far to allow myself to get close to people. I know that I can be an unsettling person to be close to when I'm " in my dark place. " And, I'm working at managing my depression better, so that I'm more likely to be emotionally and psychologically " fit for visitors ", as it were.
And, I also, find it hard to " let people in ". Partly, because talking about feelings, isn't really " a guy thing ", and also because I'm apprehensive of perhaps losing further credibility by talking about my feelings to people who have already seen me at my worst.
However, I do have some close friends who I can talk to, and I am able to feel comfortable with the people in in my workplace, ( At least most days... ), and I'd still say that I'm basically " a people person ". So, I'd say that there's hope me me yet, when it comes to interacting with my fellow human beings! And, if there's hope for me, I'm very confident that there's hope for you!
Please keep talking if it helps!

Hahahaha your right! You Celts deffently now HOW to ramble!! 10 points!

It is super hard for me to even let my family know what is going on becuase i've been a bitch to them so many times in the past when i went to my dark place. So letting in a stranger is even harder. I am hoping to some day have control over my emotions enough that I can be in a socail group and know that I wont lose it. Right now the smallest thing can set off a trigger and I go into a spiral. It really sucks.
I don't believe the whole not talking about your emotions just cuz your a guy. Believe it or not girls hardly talk about the REAL emotions. Yeah we cry a lot, and talk a lot, but rally talk about the real issues. It's like we're pretending to be stronger than what we really are!!!

((TackingIntoTheWind))
There is total hope for you and letting people in!! just see what happens, life is the strangest experiment we will ever be in!!

Thanks for the encouragement, (((( AzGirl ))))!
There are times and situations where I'm quite easily triggered and have a tendency to " melt-down ", so I'm working at managing my negative feelings better in situations like that.
As you say, I'm working at seeing myself very much as a work in progress. I like to think that there's hope for us all!

hi AzGirl!

I totally can relate with you on what you've said about just having those sucky days and can't even explain why you're having them. Everything can be going great around you yet something's wrong.
Also, about not letting people know you, the real you.
I'm still working on it but I just wanted to say hi and to just keep moving forward and trying to stay positive with things and sometimes talking with people does help!