Introduction...

[Tui]

Hello everyone!

Firstly, a big thank you to everyone who has posted here. Many times I feel alone in my situation and feelings and seeing the many posts here makes me feel less isolated.

I had a fairly happy childhood with a supportive and loving family. School was always a bit rough since learning is difficult for me, unlike my siblings, and I had to work my hardest to make B's while my siblings made A's easily. Still my parents understood and only asked that I do my best. The only real complaint I have about my childhood was my lack of friends. I had to stop having birthday parties in 4th grade as there simply weren't kids who would come.

So...fast forward about 8 years to 2008. I was fairly happy. My career was good, had a close friends (which was pretty new to me and I LOVED it), and was close to my family. I even had some hobbies I enjoyed-dog showing/training and online gaming. The only thing missing was significant other. Occasionally, my friends would drag me to bars, or to their church, but I never did meet "Mr. Right".

One day, one of my online friends (who is also a real face-to-face friend as well) let me know some of our usual groupers in the game was coming from overseas to visit and was I coming to meet them at the airport since one of them had a crush on me? I was floored-to say the least. I never before thought myself as attractive and never in my wildest dreams though anyone would have a crush on me.

Long story short (too late!) we fell for each other. I visited him overseas and felt very empty when I got back home. Not having him nearby made me feel incomplete. Before, I had scorned the "chick flicks" and mushy gushy feelings but now I was experiencing it all myself!

He really is a wonderful guy, too and I love him dearly!

After careful and long deliberation, we decided it would be better for me to move there since I take my work experience anywhere I go and my profession is much desired everywhere in the world. He had to work his way up in his job and his field is very competitive. So, the long arduous task of applying for work visas/permits/residency began.

As soon as I received my extended visitor's visa, I jetted over. I got my work visa shortly after.

Now it's been 2 years since I've moved overseas and I am not coping at all. Firstly, my parents, who are quite traditional, are not happy with me since I'm living with my partner and not married. They've let me know they won't be coming over to visit since they find it a waste of money.

Secondly, my job is quite rough. Many of the fellow workmates are spiteful and difficult to work with. In addition, things take 180 turns constantly and there's very little, if any, communication. There are many times I have called in, not because I was sick, but because I was having a panic attack about the though of going to work that day.

Thirdly, my partner was made redundant (laid off) about year after I moved here. He's been searching for job for about a year. He's had the occasional contract, but he's worked 2.5 months out of almost 12. As a result, he is spiraling into depression as well. He's thinking of going back to university for a career change and I'm encouraging him to go to a career counselor so he can see what choices there are out there.

We are sharing a house with a flatmate. The flatmate is easy to get along with but the house is horrible. The floors are literally rotting out, the fence is falling down, and EVERYTHING is original to the house (built in the late 70's) including carpet, curtains, wallpaper...everything!

I'd like to find a different place to live housing is difficult to find. Parking spaces are difficult to find. Affordable housing that also has space for 2 cars is almost impossible to find.

I've put on weight and don't feel attractive at all. I've visited a few local gyms but I am unimpressed-they're nothing like I'm used to. They only have a few x-trainers, treadmills, free weights and of course, I'd be competing with everyone else during peek hours.

Lastly and probably the most depressing to me... we have recently been engaged and the fact I am so far geographically from my friends and family has hit me. None of the usual engagement part/hen's night/showers or even shopping for the usual things girls do for weddings. I don't even want to have a wedding, to be truthful. Why should I when my family and friends can't come? We're still having one because his family wants one...and I do care for them and their feelings...but it's not the same. I'll let everyone know the date once I know myself but I know they can't/won't come. Why should they when my parents think it will be a waste, my siblings would have to pay a fortune to fly over (2 hemispheres away), and my friends would too since they all have kids of their own.

And the icing on the cake....I'm 33 almost 34. He and I would like a family sometime and I know that "sometime" better be "soon". My mom hit menopause at 40 not to mention that having children at 35 or over is considered high risk. It doesn't help that his father wants to know when we're going to give him grandchildren every time we see him. Sometimes I wanna shout "We'll never have them 'cause our life is a bit shitty right now, your son wants to go back to university for 4 years, and I'm too old!"

All this stress and changes has really affected my life the past year. I'm trying to "fix" things to no avail. When I try to talk to my partner about it, it upsets him. He just wants to escape to his computer games and not deal with the situations.

Anyways...this is becoming a book.

Typing this has already made me feel better and kudos to anyone who has actually read all of this.

[crystalgaze]

Wow.... I did think of one question while reading this: Have you thought about what you would do/are going to do?

If you are that unhappy, maybe it's time to go back to your original home/country? Personally, I think your wedding should be in your home country. You already made the sacrifice to go where he was. What sacrifices are they making??

Y'all don't have to break up or anything like that. (I'm not suggesting that.) Maybe though, if you went back home, you'd be able to re-situate yourself & this time he can come. Maybe he'll find work there??

Just some thoughts.

Welcome to the forum.

Also, about the children, maybe you can get them to lay off of you by telling them the truth & keep telling it to them every time they say something about it.... "Things are tough right now & there's no way we can have children when we ourselves are not situated properly." Or whatever it is you need to say. Children are great, but if it were me personally, I would wait until I was married, as much as I could. & it's not because I'm religious.... I just feel it's better that way (woman to woman). I know they can't possibly want you to have children without being married. (They better not.) If they do, something is wrong some place....

Do take very good care!

[Obayan]

Hi. You said in your post...

We are sharing a house with a flatmate. The flatmate is easy to get along with but the house is horrible. The floors are literally rotting out, the fence is falling down, and EVERYTHING is original to the house (built in the late 70's) including carpet, curtains, wallpaper...everything!

How about starting a few home projects your boyfriend/fiance can work on to help him feel productive and feel like he's making a contribution? And it's a great way to have some fun with the two of you together.... paint a room and a fiance night!