Throwing my story onto the pitch xx

[lostinlife]

So depression is what obviously brought me here to you and i feel i should share my story so you can hopefully get a bit of an insight into who i am and why i feel the way i do. here goes....i'm a 20 year old girl. I guess i should start at the root of the problem which was just over 2 years ago when my boyfriend died in a motorbike accident i was with him for just over 2 years he was my first real boyfriend first real love first everything really. Like i say this is the root but the depression has only got unbearable in the last 9 months or so i believe this is because at first is was expected and understood that i was upset and i felt it was almost allowed and as time has gone on i feel people think i should now have moved on and shouldnt be dwelling on what could has been and was isnt anymore but i just feel stuck i guess i need closure but that i have found is alot easier said then done. What makes it harder it looking at others that were close to him and his family and noone seems to be in this place i am this scares me as i was always looked to and leaned on as the strong one and to not be able to help myself is the scariest thing. Ive tried having 2 boyfriends since in the hope that by just fillling that gap will make everything better silly i no but i just didnt no what else to do it just seemed like the obvious answer (im sorry if this is all coming out a bit random my heads all over the place).

Since this i have also developed an eating disorder that i find difficult to explain it was initially anorexia but has developed into a mix of this, binge eating and bulimia i am trying to get over this....by admitting it to myself i have looked into it alot more and got some understanding behind it and i no i can beat it im sure i can. Again this is another thing that really gets to me as i never thoguht i would be this girl i feel like some sort of typical cliche and thats really not me at all its as if this things takes over me and i lose complete control.

So theres still alot of blanks to fill in i no ive missed alot but i dont think i should over do it on my first real post haha

Anyways basically im hoping having a place like this to come and talk and listen to others will help!!

Thanks xx

[hollyann]

Hi lostinlife. Thank you for posting your story here. It's brave of you. It's hard losing a loved one. I lost my fiance in June. So a lot of the feelings you are describing are also the ones I felt. Needing to be the strong one. Seeing others move on, when I feel stuck in place. People trying to make me date when I find myself not ready. Only you will know when its the right time for you. You need to be able to grieve. You don't have to be the strong one here. You can let it out. Noone is going to tell you just move on. Most of us know its easier said then done. And you'll find others here that have lost significant others. You are not alone. There is no set time on these things.

Holly

[lostinlife]

Thankyou for your reply it's good to no there's others out there I think this forum really is amazing x

[crystalgaze]

Heya! Just a warm welcome to you!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( lostinlife )))))))))))))))

Hi and welcome.

Must agree with you this site is amazing. Caring people giving support to others, and receiving as well.

Have you visited the chat room yet? Another great place.

There are others that understand what you are going through, words are sometimes hard to find, but support you will fine here. Please continue posting, it does help to get your feelings out.

Warmsoul

[WOMBLE]

Hi lostinlife, just wanted pass on my heartfelt sympathy to you. There isn't a deadline for when you should be over it but time is a great healer, so take as long as you need. You'll know when you're ready for someone else.
I hope that doesn't sound too patronizing.

[Obayan]

Hi. I lost my husband of 22 years not so long ago. I wish I could take your pain away, but I can't. I can tell you that time will make it easier. I don't think you ever get over losing a loved one, but it will get easier to live with. The first year is the hardest. Know you are not alone here. There are a lot of great people who really do care.