Well to whomever it may concern. I'm in crisis mode right now. at age 17 my life for the most part was never a raging success. I have had some times when I have felt loved and accepted by my friends [never a girlfriend since that has yet to happen]. Unfortunately those times have come and gone, the friends I used to have and I have all went to seperate high schools, and some of them have moved away. there were really only 4 of them but i felt that they were all i needed. For once in my life I had found a group of people that I could be honest with and get an honest answer back, I can honestly say I was truly happy when i was with them. I feel blessed for having those experiences but also disheartened. Because I know that I will spend the rest of my life looking for that sort of connection that I feel just wont ever be there again. It was something special that I believe will be once in a lifetime for me. For that brief amount of time I experienced true friendship and happiness, but due to geographical reasons those times have ended. Now i am a junior in high school, and last year i was diagnosed with asthma, thyroid disease, depression, ADD, executive functioning disorder, and generalized high anxiety. Basically high school has been a living hell, now I can't compete with some of the other people on this forum's background and I know that. There are people that are a lot less fortunate than me. I am just having some troubles now and would like some sort of answer to help me through a difficult time. Being a junior most people in my town have had a relationship to some extent, I am not one of those people. and for no good reason. I convince myself that I am just God's biggest mistake. Best part was that I have actually considered atheism and suicide....guess that isnt the best part, but its ironic nonetheless. A kid that has had trouble believing in the justice of God who believes that he is God's mistake? who has heard of that before? In all honesty what drove me to post this online was my current situation and the lack of REAL friends I have to confide in. Well its the same old song and dance. I like a girl again, but once again I am convinced that she is way too beautiful for me [which she probably is, lol]. I have discouraged myself so much that I dont even have the gall to say hi to her, I feel as though I'm not worth looking at the ground she walks on let alone her. So there we are again, every lonely weekend it gets worse and worse. I have considered suicide I have been figurative inches away from just ending all of my self loathing by ending my life. The ONLY thing that has saved me in those times is a band called streetlight manifesto. every time i hear any of there songs tears of joy come into my eyes because those are the songs that I used to listen to when I was hangin out with my old friends back in the basement or the garage. I loved them more than they will ever know and they save my life a lot more than they could imagine. Bottom line I need advice on 3 different levels.
1. how do I move on yet still cherish the old memories I hold dear
2. how do I approach this girl without killing myself on the inside first
3. how can I avoid slipping into those deep suicidal states of depression.
I really appreciate any and all feedback I may get. Thank you
Sam
So I finally made it here
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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((((((( jidon17 )))))))
Welcome to the forums. First off you will find very kind, caring and understanding people, all dealing with issues in their lives as well.
Have you considered talking with a counselor at your school, your minister or even your parents or an adult in your life you totally trust? That might help to get you through some obstacles with this and go on to making new friends.
Can you stay in touch with your friends, email, week-end visits, telephone calls? Was just wondering.
In life people do come and go, for various reasons. Sounds as if you had a solid friendship with them and they may be missing you as well. The memories you have made will carry with you, great friendships are never forgotten.
Do take care of yourself and please keep posting, it helps to get the feelings out and emotions in hand.
Warmsoul
Welcome to the forums. First off you will find very kind, caring and understanding people, all dealing with issues in their lives as well.
Have you considered talking with a counselor at your school, your minister or even your parents or an adult in your life you totally trust? That might help to get you through some obstacles with this and go on to making new friends.
Can you stay in touch with your friends, email, week-end visits, telephone calls? Was just wondering.
In life people do come and go, for various reasons. Sounds as if you had a solid friendship with them and they may be missing you as well. The memories you have made will carry with you, great friendships are never forgotten.
Do take care of yourself and please keep posting, it helps to get the feelings out and emotions in hand.
Warmsoul
Welcome to the forum,
You asked some pretty tough questions at the end of you post.
I have been told over and over (because I also have tried to exit early) that when someone suggests suicidal thoughts that they should be paid attention to by a professional. Probably going along with Warmie's suggestions of some kind of help from school counsellor, minister, doctor.
It is tough that your friends have moved away. I have friends, and family that I keep in touch with by email. Even with some of them they use Skype.
It is the feeling of connectedness that we all need to stay healthy.
You are very young and I am not so old that I can't remember the hell of going through high school while being bullied. That is something that I will never forget. But when I was done with high school. I was done with high school and was able to start jobs, or relationships with a clean slate.
After that I did not too bad in making friends. I don't have a lot of them, but those that I do have I cherish.
You have also found friends here who are ready to listen to you, whenever you need to vent.
You asked some pretty tough questions at the end of you post.
I have been told over and over (because I also have tried to exit early) that when someone suggests suicidal thoughts that they should be paid attention to by a professional. Probably going along with Warmie's suggestions of some kind of help from school counsellor, minister, doctor.
It is tough that your friends have moved away. I have friends, and family that I keep in touch with by email. Even with some of them they use Skype.
It is the feeling of connectedness that we all need to stay healthy.
You are very young and I am not so old that I can't remember the hell of going through high school while being bullied. That is something that I will never forget. But when I was done with high school. I was done with high school and was able to start jobs, or relationships with a clean slate.
After that I did not too bad in making friends. I don't have a lot of them, but those that I do have I cherish.
You have also found friends here who are ready to listen to you, whenever you need to vent.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
1. how do I move on yet still cherish the old memories I hold dear
2. how do I approach this girl without killing myself on the inside first
3. how can I avoid slipping into those deep suicidal states of depression.
Hey Sam!
Those are tough questions.... but let's see....
Warmie & Monty made some suggestions about trying to see if you can get in contact with your friends. (Are they on facebook maybe??)
I will say something that I'm not sure how it will sound.
For #1.... You don't actually have to "move on" from that state. What I mean is if the music you listened to with your friends help you or bring you joy/something positive, by all means, keep it!
The thing to work on really is to be open enough to having a different set of people in your life. It may not be the same, but it may very well be valuable in its own different way. That's what I think.
About #2, I think before you approach the girl you like, I think you should have more confidence. That's what to work on there. What I mean is... no self-loathing, no thinking you are less than her, no thinking she's super human/goddess like, etc. Those are extremes & with that kind of thinking, you're doomed well before you attempt to even talk to her. Maybe the best way to think about it is she's someone you admire & would like to be around/want in your life. Avoid putting her on a pedestal because then how can you reach her? If she's going to be on a pedestal, then you better be on 1 too! (& I don't mean in a narcissistic way.)
One thing you will have to get rid of is feeling like you are God's biggest mistake. That is really negative & has to go. In terms of your faith, that is for you to decide. Explore. Start reading about different religions, try them even to see what will work for you. I didn't have my faith together until in my twenties & even now, it looks like it will revamp itself soon. My point is: Don't just try 1 thing & give up or become atheist. Think for yourself.
Just for the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with being atheist, but I do feel you should have looked at other things, asked around about them, & see if it is for you. I think trying/searching yourself is really important, & I think that being able to differentiate between the religion itself & how people are/what is practiced is also a great help.
I know when there's someone you like, it can be hard to approach things calmly, but I would say that might work best. Calmness & don't be afraid to talk to her/approach. If she responds well to you, that's the green light, but don't go too fast. If not so well, back off & try again another time or later down the road. Just pay attention. That's what I think.
For #3, it's always hard, but I think the first thing to do is to try to actively pay more attention to yourself. Monitor your thoughts in a log or something. Keep track of how you are feeling. I tend to ask myself how I am feeling everyday or at different parts of the day & listen to it. If I don't feel so good, then I back off & ease up with what I'm doing. I still try to get it done, but I slow down so I don't wipe out more often than I do.
The next part is to develop some sort of plan/methods to cope. What works for people tends to vary. You mentioned the band you like, hang onto that. Now are there other things that can work for you? (e.g. like going for a walk, being goofy, going to the library, etc.) Some people are musical & will sit with their guitars.
You have to find what works for you. That's what I think.
Now, it's time for my separate little note. Don't compare yourself to other people. I feel you doom yourself when you do so. What they are doing may not be for you to be doing. Just because you haven't had a girlfriend yet or whatever else doesn't mean anything at all. You have all the time in the world to do those things. Take life at your own pace. Give yourself & your life more time, so that you can sort it out at some point! You have youth on your side for now. You are you.
I feel a shift in thinking will help you greatly. It will take time & effort, but it's doable!
Keep posting!
2. how do I approach this girl without killing myself on the inside first
3. how can I avoid slipping into those deep suicidal states of depression.
Hey Sam!
Those are tough questions.... but let's see....
Warmie & Monty made some suggestions about trying to see if you can get in contact with your friends. (Are they on facebook maybe??)
I will say something that I'm not sure how it will sound.
For #1.... You don't actually have to "move on" from that state. What I mean is if the music you listened to with your friends help you or bring you joy/something positive, by all means, keep it!
The thing to work on really is to be open enough to having a different set of people in your life. It may not be the same, but it may very well be valuable in its own different way. That's what I think.
About #2, I think before you approach the girl you like, I think you should have more confidence. That's what to work on there. What I mean is... no self-loathing, no thinking you are less than her, no thinking she's super human/goddess like, etc. Those are extremes & with that kind of thinking, you're doomed well before you attempt to even talk to her. Maybe the best way to think about it is she's someone you admire & would like to be around/want in your life. Avoid putting her on a pedestal because then how can you reach her? If she's going to be on a pedestal, then you better be on 1 too! (& I don't mean in a narcissistic way.)
One thing you will have to get rid of is feeling like you are God's biggest mistake. That is really negative & has to go. In terms of your faith, that is for you to decide. Explore. Start reading about different religions, try them even to see what will work for you. I didn't have my faith together until in my twenties & even now, it looks like it will revamp itself soon. My point is: Don't just try 1 thing & give up or become atheist. Think for yourself.
Just for the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with being atheist, but I do feel you should have looked at other things, asked around about them, & see if it is for you. I think trying/searching yourself is really important, & I think that being able to differentiate between the religion itself & how people are/what is practiced is also a great help.
I know when there's someone you like, it can be hard to approach things calmly, but I would say that might work best. Calmness & don't be afraid to talk to her/approach. If she responds well to you, that's the green light, but don't go too fast. If not so well, back off & try again another time or later down the road. Just pay attention. That's what I think.
For #3, it's always hard, but I think the first thing to do is to try to actively pay more attention to yourself. Monitor your thoughts in a log or something. Keep track of how you are feeling. I tend to ask myself how I am feeling everyday or at different parts of the day & listen to it. If I don't feel so good, then I back off & ease up with what I'm doing. I still try to get it done, but I slow down so I don't wipe out more often than I do.
The next part is to develop some sort of plan/methods to cope. What works for people tends to vary. You mentioned the band you like, hang onto that. Now are there other things that can work for you? (e.g. like going for a walk, being goofy, going to the library, etc.) Some people are musical & will sit with their guitars.
You have to find what works for you. That's what I think.
Now, it's time for my separate little note. Don't compare yourself to other people. I feel you doom yourself when you do so. What they are doing may not be for you to be doing. Just because you haven't had a girlfriend yet or whatever else doesn't mean anything at all. You have all the time in the world to do those things. Take life at your own pace. Give yourself & your life more time, so that you can sort it out at some point! You have youth on your side for now. You are you.
I feel a shift in thinking will help you greatly. It will take time & effort, but it's doable!
Keep posting!
Hi. You don't have to move on from these relationships. Yes, they have moved away, but there is still e-mail, snail mail, facebook, texts, phones..... these are all ways to keep in touch. All throughout our lives people are going to come and go. Some we hold dear, some not so much. We adjust, we adapt, and we find ways to keep in contact with those that touch us deeply.
Thank you all for the helpful comments you have sent, in response to crystalgaze, I took your advice. I am not an atheist, I did have a real problem with being atheist. I didn't like the idea of there being nothing after an life of non-fulfillment. So I took some time and looked into a few things. I think after a long period of research I may be leaning towards being agnostic. I have found that yes there is no way to prove or disprove the existence of a higher power, but I do believe there is a God. I don't really like the idea of committing to a formal religion, mainly because of the fact that we as humans will never know the true will of God, or what his plan for us really is. We all have our theories but is there any way to tell if we are right? I believe that if I simply believe in God and accept the fact that I have done wrong and will continue to make mistakes, but ask for His forgiveness and guidance I will be saved. So yes I do believe in God, but not so much in formal religion.
P.S. still no luck with this girl, seriously she is too good for me. If you guys could only be here to see it with me.
P.S. still no luck with this girl, seriously she is too good for me. If you guys could only be here to see it with me.
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
- Posts: 29195
- Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
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