Depression Understood Forums

I've acquired a great distaste for males. I lost my virginity to a classmate years older than myself at the age of six years. Before I was never attracted to members of the opposite sex and have been progressively repulsed by me being on the natural side of heterosexual romance. At barely over twice the age last specifically referred to I was physically abused by my father. Soon after I became a born again Christian and my life for the better drastically began to change. Near my emergence into adulthood though, a youth leader at my church who I thought I could trust and look up to fornicated enough with a peer to impregnated her! The same year she gave birth to that poor child I've been under increasing pressure to date. This festering misandry has in the process come to surface after being swept under the rug for twice as long a part of my life than I had lived without loathing my loins. There are ample examples throughout my life I may list to fuel my feelings against males and enough to fill a book or more is what I could muster toward describing what elaborately vivid emotional wounding infliction many have dealt I, my friends, as well as humanity's whole.
I know men though who offer glimmers of hope though their presence isn't very regular in my life. Strongly wish to have children though and dream of them embracing the greatest father they sensibly could. The nuclear family is full of beauty though most have gone the way of Chernobyl. I must overcome this insecurity about them then but at times fatigue loosens my lips as well as even physical rage against the Y chromosome and much which has been degraded to association with it.

Hi. I'm really sorry that these things happened to you. I went thru a lot of the same. With therapy, i learned not to condemn the entire race on the acts of a select few. And not to mistake the hatered of the act with the hatred of all men. I think therapy might help you too. It takes a lot of time and work. But it's worth it.

Hello there! I finally have some thoughts for you.

In reading your note, I am hoping that you don't hate yourself.

I'm female, but at one point, I never did like being one. I embraced a lot of masculine things, which now I am starting to drop the habits. There are some things that remain, but they are gender-neutral. (I like to play video games & do computer-related things. Had I been very ingrained, I think I might have even been into cars enough to be a mechanic. & in my eyes, there's nothing wrong with a gal being a mechanic. It's a rare sight here where I live, you see. I still have that itch to join a fire brigade, but I had to put that on hold because there are no job openings. I was inspired by this gentleman I met. )

Being female on my part was beyond my control. Your gender is also beyond your control. What people do is also beyond your control. The man that impregnated the young lady.... I understand your disappointment, but it was beyond your control. Even if you told him to go out there & do that, it was still that individual's decision & he should be able to think for himself.

There are glimmers of hope, as you say. You can be/are 1 of them.

What I did with my gender was I accepted it eventually & learned to adapt to it. I still am not that great at traditionally "girl" things--cooking, putting on makeup, even dressing/making fashionable statements, etc.--but I am who I am, what I am.... & you know, what? I'm happy with that. There will be time to evolve. Just take it at your own pace.

For me, I ended up embracing my gender because I knew to myself that I didn't want to change myself into a man. (I figured that would not be the answer, that even if I changed my image, I would still be fundamentally what I started out as: nothing other than female & that my efforts would have been futile.)

I hope what I've said is of some help to you--although I can't talk from the perspective of being male.