Depression Understood Forums

For the first time in a number of weekends I really had a great weekend. I went out twice and genuinely felt good. My parents were out of town, in New York for a wedding of a family friend's daughter. Today--American Labor Day turned into torture. My dad has always felt a need to keep me in check when it comes to my personal appearance which I do not have an issue with. Let me correct that, he has pointed it out in the past, but now it is not as much of an annoyance, it used to be. However, I do have faults when it comes to this and I feel like at 24 I should be able to get this stuff without having a parent point it out to me. Let me go on to what happened. There have been several occasions where when my dad or even my mom has pointed this stuff out to me that I have gotten quite upset because it is frustrating to hear day in and day out, this is not done or this is done correctly. Its just always been a part of negative internal criticism that I hate. Today, my dad (out of absolutely nowhere) grabs the back of my shorts pocket to get my attention that it needs to be tucked in. I whipped my head around not knowing where the tugging came from and looked at him square in the face with a look of "what the heck was that?" and he runs downstairs totally annoyed at me. Note to readers, I have pointed out to him on a number of occasions how much I prefer that he vocalize this type of thing instead of physically touching me to point it out (i.e. my psoriasis). This turns into a ridiculous argument which leads me to call him a "f***ing idiot" because he was saying to my mom that I have never pointed this out to him. I stormed past my Mom and Dad and got into my car and furiously drove away from the house going to my safety spot in my neighborhood. Unfortunately, this led to much sobbing and feeling miserable even brought me down to the "s" word (as I refer to my suicidality). I feel like every time something negative is pointed out to me and I can't seem to muster the ability to control it or understand it that it leads to this negative hatred towards the person pointing it out or towards myself. I took myself towards the local library at one point and just sat in my car sobbing and feeling sick to my stomach because I just couldn't control how miserable I was feeling. I just need to find a way to control not feeling so miserable. If anyone can help--much appreciated. Thanks again -- as usual for listening.


~Jake

I deleted your poll you included on here. Some personal polls are sometimes allowed if they are harmless and don't break the rules, but yours asked each reader to judge and either praise or condemn you when none of us know enough about your personal situation to do something like that. Also, we don't judge others on here. That being said.....


I'm very sorry that you are having such a hard time with your parents. I don't think calling names and yelling and storming out is a way to get the response you want from them though. It would help a lot if you could sit down and have a calm and rational discussion with them. And start off by saying "I have a problem and i need your help". That will kick in their parental instincts of wanting to help their child and make them more receptive to what you have to say. Make all statements "I" statements. I feel this.... I need that.... That will keep them from getting so defensive right off the bat and turning into just another argument. It would help you if you spoke to a counselor. I hope it gets better for you soon.

Sorry that you are going through such tough stuff with your parents.

Living with parents can be difficult. I am an adult and had to come back and live with my mom who can't live alone.

Not sure if you are the reading type but I had "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner suggested to me.

I have always had difficulty dealing with anger. This book seems to be giving me some insights into how I can handle anger situations, differently.

Doesn't have all the answers but it is making me aware of how sometimes, I just go the same route everytime. She encourages change.

Hope things are going better.

Sending out warm thoughts and big hugs to monty and jake