May trigger.
Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:03 pm
Hello.
My dad left when I was only a baby, so I grew up with my fabulous mother in Holland. I turned to her for everything. I wasn't a very sociable child, so I spent most of my days with her. When I was four or so, she married a man who became my stepdad. He was friendly toward me, although I always felt he never did love me. They had three children together, my three little brothers. When I was eight, she was raped and murdered. They never did catch the person.
After this, I began to act out. I was never a goody-two-shoes, but I was a lot for only my grieving stepdad to handle. I was getting into touble with the police at eight years old. Once, I (accidently) set the kitchen on fire because I was mad and, well.. in the kitchen. My stepdad finally came to the end of his rope and, saying that I was a danger to his children, took off with them and escaped to a new continent. He left pretty much everything behind at the house, including me. After about a week, somebody must have noticed and called on me, because I was taken into foster care.
I didn't have much family left, the only relative left being an uncle in england. At nine, I moved in with him. It was really hard learning the language, I had had some lessons in school but pretty much knew nothing. So I felt rather alone and unable to communicate with people. My uncle began abusing me sexually only two weeks after I arrived. I hated having the photos the worst. I was taught to withstand torture, which I won't go into detail about. I was taken to places, I don't even know where, friends, bars, brothels it could have been for all I know, by my uncle to do things. When I told the police, they believed I was making things up and blamed it on what had happened to my mum. I started to SI at about 10, and I became addicted.
When I was 12 years old, I found out one, that I had AIDS, and two, that I had passed it on to my uncle. I was a murderer. Am. [I figure it came from when I was raped at 7.]
Recently, things havent been so good for me either. I ran away from my uncle and ended up on the streets, looking forward to coming to this site and to talk to a friend on here most of my time, at an internet cafe. But I had to earn money, the only way I knew how.. Some very bad things happened to me while on the streets. About one month after, I SI but it was really bad. It got so far i awoke in hospital, they noted it as a suicide attempt (which I had made soe in the past). It turned out I was pregnant. Four months. With the complications, the results of incest, the possiblity of passing on AIDS, and everything about the conception of the baby and my state of mind, I wasn't sure about having it, but I decided to keep her. The hospital decided I couldn't just be let back out on the streets, and thought it would be bst for me to send me to a mental institution. I did not agree. I got myself in a right state one night and overdosed on some drugs I got my hands on.
I lost my baby girl. That's murder, twice now. I was sent to the institution for about a week. I despised it. I was released to my uncle again.
Even if nobody ever reads this, that fet really good to start getting out.
My dad left when I was only a baby, so I grew up with my fabulous mother in Holland. I turned to her for everything. I wasn't a very sociable child, so I spent most of my days with her. When I was four or so, she married a man who became my stepdad. He was friendly toward me, although I always felt he never did love me. They had three children together, my three little brothers. When I was eight, she was raped and murdered. They never did catch the person.
After this, I began to act out. I was never a goody-two-shoes, but I was a lot for only my grieving stepdad to handle. I was getting into touble with the police at eight years old. Once, I (accidently) set the kitchen on fire because I was mad and, well.. in the kitchen. My stepdad finally came to the end of his rope and, saying that I was a danger to his children, took off with them and escaped to a new continent. He left pretty much everything behind at the house, including me. After about a week, somebody must have noticed and called on me, because I was taken into foster care.
I didn't have much family left, the only relative left being an uncle in england. At nine, I moved in with him. It was really hard learning the language, I had had some lessons in school but pretty much knew nothing. So I felt rather alone and unable to communicate with people. My uncle began abusing me sexually only two weeks after I arrived. I hated having the photos the worst. I was taught to withstand torture, which I won't go into detail about. I was taken to places, I don't even know where, friends, bars, brothels it could have been for all I know, by my uncle to do things. When I told the police, they believed I was making things up and blamed it on what had happened to my mum. I started to SI at about 10, and I became addicted.
When I was 12 years old, I found out one, that I had AIDS, and two, that I had passed it on to my uncle. I was a murderer. Am. [I figure it came from when I was raped at 7.]
Recently, things havent been so good for me either. I ran away from my uncle and ended up on the streets, looking forward to coming to this site and to talk to a friend on here most of my time, at an internet cafe. But I had to earn money, the only way I knew how.. Some very bad things happened to me while on the streets. About one month after, I SI but it was really bad. It got so far i awoke in hospital, they noted it as a suicide attempt (which I had made soe in the past). It turned out I was pregnant. Four months. With the complications, the results of incest, the possiblity of passing on AIDS, and everything about the conception of the baby and my state of mind, I wasn't sure about having it, but I decided to keep her. The hospital decided I couldn't just be let back out on the streets, and thought it would be bst for me to send me to a mental institution. I did not agree. I got myself in a right state one night and overdosed on some drugs I got my hands on.
I lost my baby girl. That's murder, twice now. I was sent to the institution for about a week. I despised it. I was released to my uncle again.
Even if nobody ever reads this, that fet really good to start getting out.
