abandoned and depressed

[paulapjseven]

Eric,
I just read on www.effexorwithdrawal.com and the symptoms I have with my head are on that site-exactly! Check it out. My dr. shouldn't have had me stop so suddenly I think.
I would like that with the FB and all, but I can't even get that to work right. Maybe you know how to 'fix' it. You're the computer guy. When I go to facebook, it seems like something is running in the background. I can't click on 'LIKE' or get my messages or anything. It just acts really, really slow. If I can get it fixed, I could use it.

Anyway, my sadness today, I think is because I can't stop thinking about the way life used to be and how I can't have that anymore and nothing is ever going to be the same. It hurts so much Eric. I really have nothing to be here for and am pretty hopeless about my future. I could easily erase all my pain in a fairly quick manner. Everything is a big chore for me now. I am just so tired. I'm sorry Eric, I don't want to bring you down. I really thank you for everything and I hope you know that.
Paula

[Eric0620]

Wow, Paula --- I had thought he was gradually weaning you off it; not abruptly! That really says how not a good doctor he is because he should know enough about the meds, and that this one you can't just stop abruptly. I wish I could give you some of my meds to help ease this.

I see my message finally left the "Outbox" and you should have it now. It'll be a challenge troubleshooting the computer issue, but will at least ask the following about it:

* What version of Windows do you have? XP, Vista, 7? Or do you use something else like a MAC?
* Is it just slow with FB, or with all websites?
* What web browser do you use, and what version is it? The version can be looked-up by going to "Help | About" or "Help | About Internet Explorer" (assuming you are using I.E.)
* Have you run your anti-virus software recently? You might have what's called "spyware" on there which can slow it down.
* Windows has an application called "Disk Defragmenter" that can be run to make it run smoother. I have Windows XP, and it can be run by going to the following: Start | Programs | Accessories | System Tools | Disk Defragmenter.

We'll start with the above.

I have always been one to dwell on the past, too, and it's a hard habit to break, I know. If amazes me how many things we have in common! It's hard not to think about how good things were in the past, but we need to try to look at how good things can/will be in the future. Depression tries to make us think that there never will be any things to look forward to, but we have to be vigilant and defiant of depressions "oppression" (wasn't trying to make that rhyme!). I know it hurts a lot, Paula, and I too feel it a lot and know what you're going through with the emotional pain. Trust me, you are NOT bringing me down --- you've helped me and I want to help you. Right now we are leaning on each other and it's great in so many ways. I am with you thhrough this, thick-and-thin, and I won't abandon you. Please try to take comfort in that, and that I will continue to keep supporting/helping you and praying for you.

Always,
Eric

[paulapjseven]

Hi Eric,
Yes, he started to taper me off the effexor, for a week I took half a dose, then he told me to stop altogether. I don't think it's a good idea, with the way I am feeling emotionally, to not be on any antidepressants but I guess there's nothing I can do, just suffer I guess. I guess maybe I'll have a drink or two to see if that helps.
I have windows vista and I use Internet Explorer. I read something earlier on FB that they are having problems with some profiles, so hopefully they get it worked out. I will let you know once that happens.
If we friend each other on FB, I would rather not air my depression on there. I have a sister that knows I am depressed, but she doesn't know just how bad it is.
I know I can't look to the past Eric, but when I look to the future-I am not seeing anything positive for me. Everything is making me cry today.
TTYL
Paula

[Eric0620]

Hi Paula,

Glad to hear from you again --- I've been thinking about you. Yes, I don't like the idea of you not having meds to take --- I don't know if you're completely out of them, but if you have some maybe take one every other day until you're out. I probably shouldn't be giving that kind of advice, but it's probably better than nothing at all.

Yes, FB does regularly have problems of some sort. Oh no, I can promise you that anything personal about someone else is never posted by me for the public. If anything, I would send you a message directly --- that's actually my preferred method of communication, so you have my word that nothing about your depression would be posted by me. My family doesn't know anything about me going through another "spell", so I understand completely not wanting family to know.

I wish I could give you a big hug in person since you are crying so much. I'm with you --- as I mentioned earlier, if it helps any (and it probably doesn't) just picture being comforted in person with plenty of hugs --- I know it's not the same at all, but I would if it were possible. I consider you a very important friend.

Always,
Eric

[paulapjseven]

Hi Eric,
Yeah, I'm completely out of the Effexor. The only other thing I have besides my many other medications is Oxycontin. I guess I could take those.

I consider you an important friend too Eric. It's a very odd thing how we stumbled upon each other. You are such a wonderful person, so caring and thoughtful. Like I mentioned before, your wife is the luckiest woman in the world, I just hope she realizes that.

I am trying to picture that, getting a hug, but I can't feel it. It's a nice thought though, really.

((((((((((((((((((((ERIC))))))))))))))))))))))

Until later,
Paula

[Eric0620]

I'm sorry you're out of them, Paula. Thank you so much about being an important friend to you! That really means a lot to me! You're right about the "stumbling upon each other" --- it helps solidify my Faith even more, and that these "trials" are for a reason; to help one another. It's absolutely miserable to go through, but... Thanks for your compliments --- I think you're absolutely wonderful, too, how you care for me and by comforting me through my difficulties, and you because you have these and many other good qualities that you will one day find love again. There is just no doubt in my mind --- you have a lot to offer.

I sent you another message about FB --- thanks for "friending" me! Talk to you later, Paula! (((((((((( PAULA ))))))))))

Always,
Eric

[paulapjseven]

Good afternoon Eric,
You didn't think I should take the oxycontins with a few margaritas???

Thank you but I'm not sure I share your views of me. I wouldn't trust anyone again so I am doomed.

I usually don't get back on the horse, if you know what I mean. Once I fail, that's it! I can't handle anymore rejection, and heartache.

See you on FB tonight.
(((((((((((((ERIC)))))))))))))))
Paula

[Eric0620]

Good afternoon/evening to you, Paula! Nah, I'd definitely discourage the oxycontins and margaritas!

I guess time will tell --- I'm hoping/praying you will find love and happiness again, and you have every right to be untrusting and guarded with what unfortunately happened to you. I've had heartache before, but nothing compared to what happened to you, so I can't profess to be any expert. Just more than happy to listen and offer advice and viewpoints. And above all, I will be completely honest whenever you want my opinion about something.

Looking forward to seeing you on FB!!

Always,
Eric

[paulapjseven]

Good afternoon/evening?? What time is it there? Right now it is almost 7:05 here.
Anyway, I got a rough draft of the divorce decree in my email late this afternoon. I was supposed to read it over and give my lawyer a call. I never called him. I have been so upset, I can't stand it. I just can't believe everything that's happened and I couldn't stop it. I wish he had just killed me the night he told me he was leaving. Everyone would be better off. Then I wouldn't feel this way. I can't take this. Eric, I don't know what to do. I think I need help. I don't mean to unload all this on you. I understand I'm not supposed to dwell on this, but things just keep happening and it's all building up and I didn't want any of it. I'm sorry. I just don't think I can go on. I need to talk.
Paula

[Eric0620]

Hi Paula,

I'm here. Please don't feel bad --- I'm happy to listen, but am so sorry you're hurting so much. I know I have never been through what you have and I can only guess how deeply it hurts. Please don't hurt yourself --- I know it's selfish of me to ask you to keep enduring pain, but we would NOT be better off without you! I'm really feeling a close bond with you --- we've both been hurt and nearly destroyed from depression, but we're both survivors. It is a cruel, merciless illness and it has bloodied us both, but we will both pull through our pain. It doesn't seem like it will ever happen, but I honestly believe this.

Do you need/want to go on FB now and go into "chat" mode to talk? I'll be more than happy to. Or better yet, how about if I call you on the phone? It's not an a problem at all. Just let me know a phone number and I'll call you now.

Please let me know, Paula. I mean this in a completely friendly, honest, and caring way. I love you, and I want you to feel better and pull through.

- Eric

[paulapjseven]

Eric, I don't think you are receiving my emails today. I resent the one I sent you this morning.
Paula

[Eric0620]

Hi Paula,

Just want to make sure you got my responses from the past half-hour. Hugs!

- Eric

[paulapjseven]

Eric,
Yes, I got em' all. I am getting ready to email you in a minute or two.

[Eric0620]

Hi Paula,

FYI, I sent you a message in FB --- I can't get into Verizon's Email website because they messed something up (again!). I saw you sent two, but wanted you to know I tried, but can't get into them. I'll have to try again tomorrow.

- Eric

[Obayan]

Hi paula. I hope you are doing well today. Was just sitting here and thinking about you hon.