Bullied half my life (Triggering Material)

[CrazyLady17]

Aww. Oh I'm so sorry to hear that
But am glad you are a much stronger person now, tht part made me smile

I can't "buck up"....
I have given up,
The bullies have won
They have broken me, they have damage me forever, I can't be fixed. I'm broken and I can't be fixed.

They want to see me dead?
Well their wish has come true.

[mattyj]

I know how you feel in regards to bullying

I was bullied much of my life - for no other reason than i was overweight

My bullying was severe and from a lot of the school not just 1 or 2 people

I had a core group of friends

My bullying became physical at high school i would be pushed and shoved and punched by other kids. When i report it to the year level coordinator he says he believes its happening at home, so i give up and dont bother telling anyone again and dont ever talk about it with anyone

One time i had an apple thrown at my face when i was sitting down minding my own business which breaks my nose

Mine gets to the point where they would become vocally abusive towards my mother when she was waiting to pick me up after school

I would self harm on some days just so i didnt have to go to school

It really messed me up as i have had no self confidence my whole life because of it and never spoke about it withone anyone until i started to see a psychologist several weeks ago (i am 34 and have been out of high school for 16 years)

the only thing that has made my a little better is knowing that about 8 years ago, the police hit about 100 houses in my town simultaneously in a drug raid and 3 of the kids that bullied me were busted for drug trafficing and ended up in jail for terms of 10 - 18 years

[CrazyLady17]

Aww I am so so sorry to hear that

Exactly...
My bullying is to do with my height, weight, hair colour and generally the way I look.
I eat loads of chocolate for comfort and I self harm to punish myself and I would attempt suicide to also punish myself for being alive.

The bullying still happens now; to be fair...
The bullies won't stop until they see me dead, well that day is getting closer..

I can't cope with all the bullying anymore.

[CrazyLady17]

So people have found out I tried to commit suicide and now I am on a section.... Seriously why does news travel fast these days?!!
Got people bullying me over text and telling me to go "die".....

Wow...
I'm sick and tired of getting bullied now, I am on the edge of killing myself because of all the bullying.
I can't take anymore.

Someone help me?

[CrazyLady17]

So now my "so called friends" are starting to bully me too. Oh wow, this is pretty low of them and pretty hurtful and painful to be fair. Can't stop crying and so badly want to self harm and watch them all suffer with guilt. What do you all think?

I've had enough.
I can't take anymore of this terrible, hurtful bullying.
I feel so isolated and insecure because of it.
I trust nobody because of it.
I feel trapped.

What do I do?!

[Frame]

Make a list of good things in your life.
Yes you do. You do too, have good things in your life.

Make a list. Write it down. Have it somewhere you can look at it.
It may be a short list at first. But leave some room.

If you can't think of anything go back and look at your posts. There's plenty of bad things...

[most of it you repeat over and over and over like a mantra till it's all you can think of.]

...but some good too in there. Pull them out and make a list. Try, for every bad thing you thing of or write, to put a good thing right after.

I Know, I know, I know, I know; It's hard, so hard, TOO hard.
I'm not telling because it's easy. I'm telling because you asked what to do. And because, if you think and post as much good as you've posted all the other hard and bad things in your life (over, and over, and over till it's all you can think of) it will work.

[CrazyLady17]

Okay thank you.
I will do my list right now!
Ah good idea.

I know I did..
But... I don't have any good things though?
I did... But then I miscarried. I did... But then I became homeless... I did have friends... But then they have started to bully me

Do you know how hard it is to stand and watch yourself get bullied and hurt by the ones you love an thought cared about you?
It hurts me inside, feels like I'm dying infact.

[Frame]

Seriously Lady. I have to wonder if you actually read my last post.

[CrazyLady17]

I did read your last post thank you?
I said it's a good idea and am going to write down a list. What more do you want from me?

I can't wave a magic wand and my life would be better again you know?
I'm sorry if my posts are not upto your standards, but am just letting out my story and letting out my thoughts and feelings and reaching out for some support? Is that too much to ask for? Obviously

I knew posting my bully story was a mistake...
I feel like I am being judged now.

[Frame]

I said it's a good idea and am going to write down a list. What more do you want from me?

Actually, you said:

I will do my list right now!

You've posted over 560 times.

But... I don't have any good things though?

Very fast reading. I'm not asking for a magic wand. But if you say you'll do something, I'd like to be able to pretend you're actually doing it.

Or is this bullying now? Making a suggestion; having you thank me and say your doing it, when in reality there is no way your doing. Sorry if you feel bullied. I don't want that for you.

But right now I'm feeling Mocked. And I don't like that feeling either.

[CrazyLady17]

Am not mocking you? Why you being harsh and making me feel worse and making me cry?
This was a mistake. A total big mistake.

I have done the list actually. I've just done the list; not a long list but I've started one and I'm sure I'll add more to the list. Right?

Yes. I am being bullying right now!!
Have done for 12years now; it says in the first post the bullying is still going on and I've had enough and it's makinge want to die.

[CrazyLady17]

Watched the YouTube video; wow it's sad....
Made me cry infact.
So inspiring to be honest!

I've got more and more bullies on my case now, my "friends" are now bullying me and wanting me dead. Who next? My family?
All because I am fat, ugly, ginger and small.
Why me?!!!

I hate being bullied. It's making me feel so suicidal and depressed.

[CrazyLady17]

Bullying!!!
Bullying is for cowards... Right?
Bullying is for people who are very low and have nothing better to do with their life... Right?

But why bully me?
Why am I the easy target?
Why am I the one to suffer with all this abuse and all this hurt?
Why do I deserve all this?

Why is all this bullying making me so depressed and making me want to commit suicide?

[4EverMe]

Hello,
You know I'm your friend. Sometimes, when you care about somebody you need to use "tough love."

Number one: Please don't take so negatively, what others say to try and help you. Example: words Frame conveyed to help do you some good...

Secondly, (I day this because I care) These bullying pieces of crap don't give a rat's furry a** how suicidal you feel. When I suggested that you,"buck up" some, it's basically a biker term for, "toughen up, and stop allowing them to get the best of you!"

I care, or I wouldn't even mention it

[CrazyLady17]

Hmm true point there yes.
I see where you are coming from here and yes I know you care and I am so grateful and thankful for that you know?
You are my friend too

Hmm...
Well it hurt me a lot you know?
I came to this site for support; but I seem to be hurting people don't I? See? No wonder I get bullied and feel this way. I deserve to feel this way.... Don't I? I need to accept the fact I get bullied and I most probably will always get bullied.

Hmm. Ah okay thank you for explaining that a little better.
I have tried that; but I just seem to let them walk all overe like I'm some sort of shit on the bottom of their shoes. You know what I mean?
Exactly!!! The bullies don't know how badly they've made me feel ie suicidal an self harm.