What's up? Everything is going wrong.

[missvelia]

Hi, I'm actually new to this. I'm missvelia. It's late, and I should be working on the pile of homework I still have to do, but I have to get this off my chest. Please read and help in some way because I could seriously burn everything I loved and shoot myself into a hole right now.

I've been depressed since this year started, and it has only gotten worse. My classes are totally horrible. There's no one to talk to in them. Nothing to lighten the mood or make me feel better. I'm a senior in high school, and I've been working so hard all four years to be at the top of my class. The beginning of this year I find out there won't be any kind of ranking, so I did everything for nothing and now I can't go to the college i wanted anymore. I used to play volleyball, but its so much stress and the girls on the team are so mean to each other, I just decided to run cross country. Guess what? I'm the only girl. And people already alienate me at school. I like this guy on the team, but its becoming increasingly evident that he doesn't care one bit about me in any way and doesn't even want to be my friend. When he sees me in the halls, he won't even smile back. I keep blaming myself. I think, I must be too ditsy and stupid. He probably thinks I'm an idiot. I don't understand, though. I try to be so so nice and to make him want to talk to me...and it's just not working. I can't get my driver's license for doing the most nitpicking ridiculous things wrong, and I am so independent...I hate it so much. I feel like such a failure for it. Today, I found out that my cat has tumors and he'll be put down tomorrow while I'm at school.

Please answer. I have no one to talk to. My sister was the only person I might've been able to talk to and she moved far away and I'm all alone with my parents, who constantly put pressure on me to do good on tests and to run really fast, but they don't really care about anything else. The worst part of all this is no one knows and no one cares.

[balcony]

Hi (((Missvelia)))

I am sorry that you feel so down about everything right now. As far as your school work goes, the work you have done and the scholarship you have achieved will bear fruit, so try and feel better about that. Yes, colleges and universities use class rankings as a measure in acceptance rates but they look at many other factors as well. If you have a dream or a strong desire to attend specific schools, do the research, get a guidance counselor at school to help you, and make an application.

Running cross country sounds fantastic. I am a late stage, ( lol, old) runner and I find distance running to be so rewarding. Good for you, it is something you will have all your life.

I wish I had answers as to why this particular boy was behaving as he does, but I do not. I think all of womenkind are perplexed at times. I would say that most likely he is just shy. Often times, doing "less" yields greater results. I would focus on just being yourself, enjoy the running and the team, don't go out of your way to talk to him, let him be...perhaps in time, a conversation will start.

As far as other friends, just keep doing the things you like to do and take pride in your work and your interests. You will find people to share that with, they do exist...but, high school can be a very difficult time to find them.

Please keep posting and I hope things improve at school for you soon, hugs

[missvelia]

Thanks Lisa...I've been thinking. I am not for sure where I want to go, but I suppose that could be true about finding people who share your interests. That's why I want to go somewhere really big because I go to a pretty small school now and it is hard considering also I'm kind of an eccentric person.

It seems like we're getting a little familiar when we're around each other now, but I don't have any classes with him. He is actually younger than me, which could seem a little weird, lol, but he seems older for his age. I think you're right. I am trying not to stress out over it since I already have enough stress (SAT coming up!!), but not having a love prospect leaves me feeling kind of empty...I guess I'm kind of a hopeless romantic.

I just gotta hold out a little longer, and get a few things out of the way, so hopefully life doesn't throw me any curve balls in the near future.

I appreciate the support, btw. (^-^)

[balcony]

Hi Missvelia, you sound a bit happier today. I am so glad.

Keep pushing forward with school and doing things that bring you inner contentment. As for being a "hopeless romantic" good for you..that too can bring a lot of joy and creativity to your life. Just balance it with thoughtful decisions and a good work ethic.

The boy stuff will work itself out in time, and the more you develop yourself the better equipped you will be in any relationship. Thanks for writing back, hugs.