Is this all my fault?

[kathyuna]

Hi. Just wanted to express it all out here, as I can't tell these to anyone around me.
I'm 27 years old and I recently just suffer from a breakup. Me & my ex, we have been together for almost 6 years now. We were formal college classmates, and after graduated, he start to developed feelings for me & started to as me out. Of course, he succeed, and we got together. He was my first & I was his too. We were so in love & I felt that he really care for me. For once, I felt that I'm so precious & I was his only.
As time pass, of course we had argurments. I felt that he don't really understands what I need, and he felt that I don't walk in his shoe too. For me, is ok course we have no experiences in relationship, we need time to learn. But when I fail to let him understsnd me, I just feel so helpless and cried. There was this one time when I cried so sadly, and he looks pain because of me crying, he suddenly slapped me with all his might. I was stunned, never thought that he would do that. I don't assume myself as a princess, but no matter what's the reason, I don't think a guy should physically hurt a girl, let alone the one they swear to love. I thought I can't accept this kind of action, and I would leave him, but I didn't. I just love him so much. I hope we could understand each other through peaceful talk, & we could make things better. But that's not the only time. Things get worst through time. Most of the time when I cried and really needs him to comfort me, he went berserk. He slapped me, and if I continue crying or tried to approched him more, he'll slapped me harder and sometimes push me on the bed and continue hitting my head. Sometimes, he hold my neck really hard that I can't breathe. All I need was hus comfort. Simply hug or hold me will do. I can't control my emotion when I'm too sad and I can't stop crying. All I need is his care and his live. At first, I don't understands why would he do these? When weboth calm down, he told me that he can't control his emotion too. He asked me to leavr him alone and things will be fine. But things won't be fine at all. After every painful moment, he never wanna talk bout it again, and I felt that things won't get solve. I wanna get better together & it seems like he slowly clise hus heart from me, pushing me away. At times, when I tried to talk, same things happened. Fail to talk, I cried, he feels pain, I asking only for comfort, I approached him, and he scold & hit slapped or hit me. He told me, it was all because of me. He tried to control. But I purposrly triggered him to start hitting me. I just wanna talk, expressing myself to him, and I wish he could talk to me too. This is all my fault, isn't it?

[Revankist]

Hey my name is Revan. I would first like to state that I am going through the opposite of what you are experiencing, but no woman EVER deserves to be slapped or abused.
I have been with a lovely lady for 6 years myself, granted on and off so we could make sure we were sure we were right together. Well last Feb. we went one step farther, I was her first and she mine, and it was wonderful. I had it planned to propose out in the country after we attended a wedding in June, well she left me 1 week before the wedding and before i could propose. I told her I had the ring and what I had planned but it didn't matter. She left me, and went back to her mentally abusive ex b/f and moved in with him and his parents. I am literally destroyed by this whole thing, i don't know if she feels any pain over this, or what the future holds I just wanna give up and die. I am angry for being so betrayed and treated like this, but I could never justify slapping her or abusing her no matter what. Even in my darkest hour if she were to cry in front of me, she wouldn't even need to think of asing me to comfort her and I would willingly do it, no matter how much pain it may bring me.
But to answer your question "is it your fault?", my answer is NO. You deserve to be treated better. You can message me any time if you would like to talk. I know I could use a friend, and i'd love to be here for you as one.

[kathyuna]

Thank you so much for your reply. I really need someone to talk to now. Till now, I still constantly think of him, missing him a lot.

[kathyuna]

I really wish to find someone to talk. I'm getting this depressed feelings more stronger than ever recently. I can't sleep well or eat well and I'm losing my focus at work. I can't even find any of my friends to talk bout it. I realy feel that I'm all alone here......