Can you relate?

[bigal12241]

Well, where to begin? I've posted stuff on here before, but I thought i would start fresh. My childhood wasn't really something I would one day like to look back on. In fact, if it was possible, I'd like to have all my childhood memories like a photo and just burn them all. Growing up I didn't have anyone to look up to. My dad was always tied up at work, my mother would rather watch the news than pay attention to me, my sister was always with her boyfriends, and my brother was abusive to me and always drank.

Life outside my house was more Hell. I was always quiet, I've never been one to talk so you can tell I didn't have a lot of friends. I still knew what people thought of me though, that weird kid that sat in the back, never talked, and just some kind of a loner. This went on until middle school, then things got worse. I was more bullied than avoided, flicking my ear, throwing stuff at me, typical things. I told my family about it, which didn't do any good. My mom didn't listen, again my dad was hardly home to hear it, my sister was out of the house on her own in college, and my brother just said I deserved it. I endured 3 years of Hell which slowly killed me inside, I was hardly happy, and I barely passed all 3 years. Well turned out I had ADD which only made things worse.

I know I'm telling a life story, but just bare with me for 1 more paragraph. My ADD had me on medication called aderal which affected my emotions and appetite. Freshmen year wasn't so bad, I lost a lot of weight stopped some of the bullying and I made some new friends. However, the aderal made me even more quiet than usual which didn't help me too well. I was getting interested in dating and hopefully finding that special someone early on. Well things turned into a nightmare Junior year (this past year). I was played by a girl I loved. I lost several friends, my brother even told me that I was a waste of space in the family saying that they would be better off without me. Then at the very end of my year I was hospitalized from a car wreck. My friend was in a coma for 2 weeks and I was in the ER with a ruptured disc. When we finally came back to school me and him find that his desk was covered in candy, cards, balloons, stuff of the sort while I was just left in the shadows. I know he was in a coma and all, but just a normal "I'm glad you're okay." would've made me feel better. Even his room was filled with the stuff including several people from school. I got nothing of the sort, just a few visits from my family.

I found out that my brother truely didn't care about me though. My entire time in the ER everyone came except him. I know this sounds exagerated and made up, but my mom called him and set me up, he didnt say a word. He just hung up. Then when I finally came home he just acted like nothing happened. He just did he usual business of ignoring me, picking on me and just flat out not caring that I was still alive. Which was a miracle actually because I saw the accident, my car was hit head on by a drunk driver and we were cap sized on the side of the road. I look back at it now and I wish that the accident killed me. I had to go through the pain of my injury and I had to go through the pain of being abandoned, ignored, and abused. You may not have had the life I had, and I'm sure there's those out there that have been through worse, but I have to ask. Can you relate to this? Have you ever wondered why we have to live a life of misery and torture? Why did I have to survive that accident just to get thrown back into some existence where my own brother wishes I would just disappear?! It's just so confusing why we even try when things just seem to get worse and worse.

Well that's my life. My messed up life that's a nightmare with no end.

Thank you for reading.

[CE1988]

the experiences u wrote about are like i would describe mine. tho i was born addicted to all drugs so u could say i was born with depression and bipolar disorder lying dormant inside. i dont feel theres a point to anything i dont understand determination. i feel alone. im crying rite now cus now i know im not.the emotions i am forced to carry haunt my sleep playing my memories like a clip show. wen i get mad and frustrated i lose my control. IMAGINE WANTING TO SCREAM BUT U HAVE NO VOICE that feeling of why try im just a voiceless loser in the middle of nowhere with abroken state of mind. i joined this site cus i dont know who am and i dont want to be alone any more i hope u dont think im ranting, that has been inside needing to be said for a long time. THIS IS MY CRY FOR HELP

[Destination]

(( hugs if you want them ))

Both of you seem to be needing an outlet so bad, or maybe just someone you could talk to who wouldn't judge every little thing you say or think.