Helplessness.

[leftover_2]

For the time being I'm finding it difficult to bear with my way of life. I've been doing activities such as cycling but I can't help but feel unhappy when I'm on my own. I feel as though I'm prevented from happiness or satisfaction due to things I can't easily change like my appearance and my intelligence. I drift between two friendship groups, one which is to an extent elitist and academically excelling and a separate group which are more impulsive and partying. I'm the worst of these two as I have the mentality of the first group without the equal intellect, and I have the yearning of the second group to be more social, though I have lost my sex drive. I feel incapacitated and alone as my friends are going to be going off to university this year, some of which already have. I don't want to talk to any of my friends because many of them won't be sympathetic, and those who would I would rather not let them know I feel this way. I feel like I could legitimately have depression because I've felt this way in waves over years. When I'm with others my mentality is more positive, but i can't cope with feeling this way every time I'm alone. I've tried arranging group activities but my friends haven't been respondent.

[jj]

hey leftover_2,

you know, the more hearts we open up to, the more hearts that open up to us. although you're feeling very isolated at the moment, which is completely understandable, being apprehensive about how your friends might react may be shutting off routes of potential support. give your friends a chance! they might surprise you in how well they are supportive.

truth and honesty, although sometimes hard, is always better than keeping things locked up i think. the more truthful one is with the people around them, the more truthful they are being to themselves. this may help you find who you really are/ what 'you' is, and what you want, so you wont feel the need to drift between the ideals of each group, but be your own person whereby people will drift towards you.

i can relate to the feeling of hating being on your own, ive felt that way for years too. i think that feeling of withoutness / something lacking that arises when im on my own, is due to my expectations not matching up to my reality, comparisons of myself to others.

instead of attaching to your friends for the good, and avoiding alone time as the bad, try to figure out the root of what you are perceiving to be bad. alone time doesn't have to be negative, but it may continue to be if you avoid it and seek your friends as the good.

also, are you sure you are differentiating between alone-ness and loneliness? it sounds you have a lot of friends around you, so maybe you aren't experiencing being alone, but lonelienss, terrible feeling, but it is possible to experience even among masses of people.


have a think about what you want, what you need, plan for the future, but live in the now, and try to let go of comparing your needs to what the different friendship groups 'require' of you. do what you wanna do, its your life remember

*hugs*

jj

[leftover_2]

Thank you for replying jj. It's interesting what you've said and i'll certainly take it on board. I guess during my 'alone time' I just feel as though I'm not making the best of things, I've been living kind of fast pace recently activity wise and have felt just like I should or could be doing more things on days i find myself free of plans.

The ways I generalized my friends as being-intelligent / partying I guess are things I wish I was more of just because I feel as though it could be key to being happier. I've not really been able to connect with people who could perhaps make me not lonely because I feel like I'm deficient in these aspects, not because my friends think less of me because of these things. I've had a lot of heartbreaks in the past and since them though I've had relationships since I've never been able to connect the same as I did, as well as loosing my libido. There have been a few girls that have rejected me since me having my last meaningful relationship with one, and I feel like it's this that perhaps makes me most unhappy as I lack the skills the one group of my friends have, or the intelligence for it not to matter so much of the other half. I feel the two qualities i've quantified the two groups as having are the qualities that make them feel secure in themselves not to feel unhappy or unsatisfied. It's the only way I can understand why they are not.

I'm not even particularly sad right now, though emotions waver I've come to the conclusion that maybe I do need help so as not to be helpless in achieving the things I want to.

I've probably waffled on now and been contradictory of my original post, I feel i am my own person, but that I could be a more happy person if I had the two qualities for myself rather then feeling unable to achieve any goals or aspirations.