Advice ?

[fallenfromgrace]

I am 19 years old, I have a girlfriend, I have friends, I am able to get jobs( but I can never hold them down), am I also on a break from my second year at university( on medical grounds) and I have a stable home. Despite all these positive oppurtunitys and things in my life I feel absolutely empty: I don't enjoy going out anymore, seeing anyone or any of my friends and I can barely hold a conversation because my concentrations so poor.

I'v been told I'v got severe depression by my Doctor and I'v been started on Citalopram ( which I was reluctant to agree to, because up until recently Iv always believed feeling low is just feeling low and that you should just get on with it in the hope of getting better). The anti depressants don't seem to have done much despite the fact I'v been on them for over 2 weeks now, if anything its made me feel worse because I now feel weak and pathetic that I can't even enjoy life without resorting to pills to help me. Depression if there is such a thing has robbed me off all my confidence, took the step out of my stride. Its got to the point now where I can't see anything getting better, I'v came to the terms with the fact I am going to spend the rest of my life a pathetic, boring f*** up of a person.

In my time off from university and work, I'v had plenty of time to to consider things and I came to the conclusion that I think I'v been depressed for a lot longer than I thought I was, almost like I wasn't even aware how bad things were, for the past 2 years I'v hated going to work and university because I just don't seem to connect to people anymore. Everything I think to say in conversation I doubt because I feel like people already know what I am going to say and when I do make any sort of attempt at conversation it usually ends up being about mocking other people ( in a light hearted way between friends) but I feel so limited, as if something's missing, like part of my brain that makes me, well me.

At this present moment I barely leave the house, I just sit play my xbox and smoke cigarettes the only time I leave the house is to smoke (in the garden), to buy more cigarettes, see my girlfriend every 2 weeks( as she moved away for university) and to go jogging. Whenever I leave the house I have instantaneous panic attacks, where I just don't seem to be in control of: I'm not bad looking and have a decent dress sense but I feel like people are looking at me and judging me constantly to the point where I feel incredibly self concious. The crazy thing is I know their not but I can't control these delusional feelings when Im out the house.
Every time I try to pull it together and meet up with a friend I'm always in a panicky state, so conversations are pretty one sided, and after a few hours I just make excuses and go home. My friends are aware that I'm down or not my usual self but I just can't seem to snap out of it. To make things worse when I am home I want to get out and live life. I'm trapped in a vicious circle, and feel like all self control I have over myself is gone.

I know no-one on this website has the solution but perspectives from others suffering from mental health conditions would be appreciated.

thanks ffg

[balcony]

Hi ffg, it takes courage to share your story. Thank you. I cannot address your specific depression questions because I do not suffer depression. I can say, from being here and listening to so many others, that 2 weeks on medication is not enough time. People seems to use the 4-6 week window as the period it takes for anti-depressant medications to produce an effect. In addition, not every medication works for every person. Many people talk about the need to try several different medications before they find the best one for their overall body chemistry.

From the way you describe this period of time, I wonder if you have considered speaking with a therapist as well. Many people talk about medication in combination with talk therapy as being the most productive.

I hope you will check out our chat room here at DU. The room is another great resource for people to gain information and share a bit of their story.
Keep posting and I wish you the best in the days ahead.

[crystalgaze]

Hi ffg! I am also going to chime in & say: Have you seen a doctor? (I mean, physician to see if there isn't something else causing your problem?)

In my case, antidepressants did not help me, as my symptoms were due to a physical cause....

Do I have my lows? I sure do.

Do I recover? Yeah, pretty much--although I seriously have my moments.

Do I have days where I'm not as productive as I could be? Unfortunately, I do.... However, mine is due to a bodily dysfunction.

If you have not actually gone to a doctor, that's something I would do.

Also, how and what do you eat? Do you drink enough water? I would encourage you to look at your life more & do not give up just yet.

Any food allergies? I know I was feeling horrible, due to eating things that I just wasn't supposed to at all..... & the things I'd been eating, my body just couldn't tolerate them any longer. I'd never had any allergies like that, but now I do, & if you don't know about them, they make your life miserable.....

Perhaps, you are too stressed out?? I know stress just absolutely saps my energy.... When I really fell ill, oddly enough, I had been in college as well.... (I'm not saying going is bad or anything.)

I would also encourage you to be vigilant about how you are feeling, as pretty much all medications have side effects. The question is: Can your body tolerate them?? (I would also have to agree with balcony & say you would not have been on them long enough to know how well your meds are working....)

At this point, I'm going to address something you in your post, & it's that I don't think you should feel bad because you happen to have a problem at the moment. I think the best thing is to try to get help, as you are doing!!

Just a few thoughts for you....

[fallenfromgrace]

This is a reply to crystal, I am not asking specifically what your bodily disfucntion is that causes you to feel run down, lethargic etc, but what kinds of bodily disfucntions can cause you to feel depressed ? If I am honest I don't think these anti depressants suit me, I have seen a doctor and he said I'd had a pretty serious depressive episode but I feel more like its uncontrollable anxiety thats making my life a misery. I seem to have massive panic attacks and feel anxious all the time. I feel like if I was mabye on beta-blockers it would help me more.

[crystalgaze]

Okay, thank you for clarifying the issue. I did not see it in your original post.

Anyway, well then, if that's how you feel--that a different medication would help you--have you gone back to the doctor & told him/her that?

[fallenfromgrace]

I have an appointment on monday, the only problem is that in Scotland doctors tend to be more to the point and the appointments are short so I'm not sure if my doctor will take too kindly to me telling him that I know what medication is best for me. Its just irritating because I am a biology student who has previously studied pyschology, so I know all about the medications and the affects they have on people. I feel like I need something ( such as beta blockers) to stop the panic attacks so I can focus on rebuiliding my confidence and life in general. My problem is I know when they start coming on but I can never seem to stop them. Its like theirs two of me the person who is confident in what hes doing and who everyone likes and then there's idiot who gets so uptight that he doesn't even realise that hes in the midst of a panic attack.

[crystalgaze]

Okay, I see your concern.

Even though the doctor might not take too kindly to your input, can't you still just ask to try a beta blocker then? If you have a particular one in mind & you've done the research, maybe you can suggest it anyway??

if you single out the one you think will help you best, maybe taking a short print out of it with you & its side effects would be a good idea. (I would think it would show the doctor you thought about what your saying.)

Well, I don't know how things are done in Scotland, but if I were in your shoes, I would still try!



Since the appointments are short, just be direct also:

"Doc, I feel I need something else/something different. Can I try ____________ to see if it will help?"

OR

"Doc, I feel I need something else/something different. Can I try a beta blocker instead??"

That's to the point enough, right??

In the end, you know the ways of your country better than I would. I just tried to offer some support! Take care!

[fallenfromgrace]

thanks for all the advice lisa and crystal