my story of pain, abuse and anger

[sigmund]

i have come to the concludsion that doctor was reading from a text book he had swallowed as what he said to me yesterday was a lot of baloney.

as for me not going out, before the panic attacks, anger etc i hardly went out, i have never liked people, i am happy staying at home so why should i all of a sudden change, i am HAPPY staying home and being with my furries.

then he said leave the past in the past, well if he wanted to help me sort through my anger, panic attacks then you have to go through my past as that is where it is coming from.

as far as my weight goes, okay i know i am fat, i had surgery last year and gave up smoking after 24 years, so i took up eating and put on 30kgs in 3 months. i am trying to lose weight i have exercise equipment in the house that i use.

as for not visiting my parents at the cemetery, well this jerk can take a flying leap. even though i lost my dad before i was 2 and mum never wanted me or showed any love BIG DEAL! i still LOVE them and always will. and i like going to the cemetery, sitting there for hours talking to my family. and before you all think i am crazy our family priest suggested thisas we were both missing our parents so he said to just talk to them as though they were alive and it works. after talking with our parents we feel comforted and happier and at peace.

and besides all this if we want to visit our family at the cemetery that is our right and we are only showing the respect to our family and loved ones they deserve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just because they are dead DOESN'T mean they are forgotten or NOT loved anymore. i mean if you had a baby and it died of say SIDS just cause it's dead would you forget about it and not love it anymore?

so my concludsion is that that doctor i saw yesterday needs to see a doctor himself, all i did was to see if for medication assessment so why delve into going out more and cemeteries and the likes. makes you wonder where profession get their degree-most probably from either a textbook or a cereal box.

until they have been through what i have been through then they have no idea! i told him my main cause of anger was my hubby. what does he say? spend more time with hubby, go out have fun blah blah blah! this jerk needs help and fast!
my mother stayed at home, her mother stayed at home, her mother stayed at home, what is wrong with me being happy staying at home?

[sigmund]

can anyone help me load up an avatar please. i emailed two mods, one didn't know and the other never got back to me. any help greatly apprectiated. thanks in advance.

[shmuel]

hi sigmund.. I agree with ya thoughts about your doctor.. he does sound as if he is reading a book.



If you want to upload an avatar :
Click on PROFILE scroll down till ya see "Avatar control panel"
Click on browse and find your avatar (which should be some where on ya computer I hope"
Then click submit... thats all.
There are other methods but the above is perfect

[sigmund]

If you want to upload an avatar :
Click on PROFILE scroll down till ya see "Avatar control panel"
Click on browse and find your avatar (which should be some where on ya computer I hope"
Then click submit... thats all.
There are other methods but the above is perfect

have tried this and either get the message the picture is too big which i know it isn't or i get fill in the correct fields. this is the picture i am trying to upload from my PC.

i don't think it is too big, on photobucket i downsized it to tiny. any help would be appreciated.
i have made an appointment to see my doctor for august 11th and will seek a second opinion.

[sigmund]

well saw the doctor concerning the assessment i had done 2 weeks ago, my doctor thought it best to follow his opinions in my medication change but instead of seeing another psycharist to see the mental health nurse that comes to the clinic every wednesdays.

so i have 20 zolofts left, when i have about 5 left will go to half a tablet then when i have 2 left will go to quarter. the thing that worries me most is i am then suppossed to go two days without medication then to start these lexapro tablets 10mgs half for 2 days then 1 tablet daily.

then after being on that for a month the doctor will slowly wean me of the valium and the alprazolam tablets 0.25mgs and to put me on this medication that will also help me to sleep but has mood stablising properties in it, have forgotten the name of them, am 99% sure it started with T. i have been on valium for 15 years, zolft for 12 years and alprazolam for 6 years, all this change of medication is freaking me out. i don't want to have panic attacks, all lose my temper or go through withdrawl syptoms or new medication side affects.

have also found i have strained some neck muscles and got a virus, so i have a referral to see the psychio for my neck, have a neck brace on and hate things around my neck and i keep wanting to gag.

so for now i am scared of changed medication and its affect on me, i see my doctor again next week as i have forms to fill in to see the mental health nurse. my doctor also said when i change medication feel free to pop into the hospital or make an appointment to see her as she knows how i feel about medication and its affects it can have.

so for now i am scared, and wondering if i will have the courage to change medication after being on it for so long. at least i have time to gather what courage i have if i have any.

there is no scared or worried icon here so will leave it feeling good but am scared, worried and feeling lousy with the sore neck, headache and virus.
has been hard this last 2 weeks of august the 3rd was the 2nd anniversary of my mum passing away, and today is the 2nd anniversary of thumper our 7 year old bunny passing away. and now a medication switch is freaking me out big time.

[sigmund]

as some of you know i have just recently changed medication from zoloft after 12.8 years to esipram 10mg i have found the last 3 days my temper has been uncontrollable, have been exploding left,right and centre. have had nasty thoughts going through my mind. so as 1 by 10mg isn't working for me even though it is early days as i have only been on them for over a week i have upped the doseage to 1.5 by 10mgs knowing according to the doctor 2 by 10mgs is max doseage.

luckily for me there is zoe my guinea pig who is my little cuddle bun. when i first got panic attacks our dogs and cats helped me through, when they got really bad and my temper got going there was petal the guinea pig to help me through now i have zoe.

doesn't matter how angry i get or how depressed i get i just look into those red eyes and cute face and the corners of my mouth are twitching.

it is hubby i feel sorry for as he is coping the brunt of my temper, now there is talk of getting rid of the karma and going onto something else. just wish the doctor would wait until i am stable on these esipram's first. one good thing about them so far is unlike the zoloft the hot flushes are less if there at all. being on zoloft was torture with those hot flushes especially under the aussie sun. the psycharist said if the depression tablets are giving you hot flushes this is a sign they are not the tablets for you. to think i suffered for over 12 years, oh well hope my body and i get use to these new tablets soon, was also told as you know when depressed you eat. the right medication will help stop this too, so far nothing has helped there. just when i feel unstable who rolls up yesterday (saturday) but hubby's brother well one of them as he has 4 brother's and 2 sister's at least this one is the black sheep of the family but the nicest of them, the rest are snobs.

hoping body gets use to these tablets soon as i hate my temper and myself when i lose it and the worse part is you can't run away from yourself.

may god watch over me and help me now and always. and hoping my late parents also watch over me and help me too.

[hey-its-ok]

((((((((((((((Sigmund))))))))))))))

so nice to hear from you again.... it has been a long time! I know god is watching over you... take care...

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((( sigmund )))))))))))))))))))))

Can you get in touch with doctor on the big change you are trying to deal with?


Keeping you in my prayers!!

Warmie

[sigmund]

((((((((((((((((( sigmund )))))))))))))))))))))
Can you get in touch with doctor on the big change you are trying to deal with?
Keeping you in my prayers!!
Warmie

have no idea what change you are talking about but back in july my doctor referred me to see a psycharist for a one off visit to be assessed. and one of the many things suggested was change of medication. so we have started wqith the zoloft first as this was the main one to control my temper. once settled on the new meds the karma will be changed slowly and then lastly the valium. whilst i am on this new medication and getting use to it i am seeing my doctor once a week. my doctor did say if i wanted to i could up it to 2 tablets a day if i felt that 1 tablet wasn't working. as i felt my temper was getting stronger and more hostile i upped the new meds to 1.5 tablets and will talk with doctor on thursday. hugs to you warmie and hoping things are well with you.
sometimes i feel i need people and other times i feel as though people are what is hampering me and making me feel the way i do.

[Kyle]

ive read through your posts and they all deeply touched me as for me i wouldnt know what to do if my parents wre gone and secondly that doctor you dont like soundsa like a freak who does seriously need some help himself i care about you and will pray for you PEACE OUT!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

as some of you know i have just recently changed medication

Sorry to confuse you, seems I am still not all with it.

((((((((((((( sigmund ))))))))))))))))

I will get caught up, give me time.

Warmie

[sigmund]

well feeling a little sad as we lost frosty on saturday, she was 12, paying special care to candy her boyfriend, we are guessing they were 12, we know we had them for 10 years.

am still not feeling any effects from the esipram, it has been 3 weeks now since i started taking it, i am now on 20mg.

am seeing the mental health nurse tomorrow for councelling and it will be interesting to see what medication she recomends for me.

it has been a rough week, have lost my temper quite regularly and been feeling rotten what with this bug and the damn weather warming up already.

can't believe we are now into october where has the year gone? christmas merchandise is everywhere, and after christmas around the 29th december it will be easter stuff, this jolly mad. so all in all think i have been on a roller coaster with my temper, hoping with the change of karma to the new medication starting maybe next week thinks will look up and i can concentrate on this councelling.

[sigmund]

i went and saw the mental health nurse who got me to answer some questions and fill insome forms as to how my condition affects me in every day life and what i feel and think etc.

and it seems now not sure on the spelling but i have nu-polar disease.

which is i suffer with real anger which causes the anxiety which in turn causes the depression.

she is going to recomend my doctor prescibe me on to these tablets which for the first day will pretty much zonk me out but then i should see some benefit.

she is also going to do some therapy with me which i have to practice at home. i dare not get my hopes up but maybe i can finally lead a normal life. i just don't want to get hurt again so will take one day at a time and see how we go from there. will give you posted. she too said it is pointless to talk about the past and what is causing the anger but surely by just taking the medication it is only masking the situation and not finding out the cause? i am in two minds about this, think i will talk with my GP tomorrow. thanks to all who stuck by me.