Quarter-Century of Uselessness

[AaronR]

My name is Aaron, I'm diagnosed with bi-polar, depression, social anxiety, and ADD. I just turned 25 this past Monday and have effectively done nothing of worth with a quarter-century of living. I don't know how to drive a car, which is part of my crippling fear of responsibility for the lives of others. I'm afraid driving will put myself and everyone else on the road I'm on in danger. I've never worked a job - aside from an hour in a plant before the anxiety caused me to fall out in the floor - and I'm too afraid to get one of the retail jobs or food service jobs in our area because of the social anxiety and how overly sensitive I am towards people being rude to me.

I see people my age and younger that have a plan for their life, many have jobs and are on their way up in the world, some even have families and are living the American dream. I on the other hand am little more than an overgrown child. I'm 6'3 and weigh close to 300 lbs, but on the inside I'm a little kid, scared of everything and afraid of growing up.

I pretty much feel worthless. Like nobody needs me, nobody ever will need me, much less want/love me. I had one girl who seemed to think I hung the moon, I asked her to move here (to Georgia, from Arizona) and be my wife and she she accepted, but my issues ran her off before it happened. I feel too screwed up to ever to the point where someone could care about me again, so I feel hopelessly lonesome.

I've missed out on so much cause of the crippling fear and anxiety I have and it cost me all I could have hoped for in terms of a relationship, so I pretty much just feel broken and alone like a neglected toy. I'm not suicidal in the sense of wanting to do myself in, but I don't want to live and as such don't do a very good job of taking care of myself. Go days without a shower, only eat unhealthy stuff and my only liquid consumption is Sprite or Coca-Cola. I feel like a hopeless, lost cause.

[Obayan]

Hi Aaron. I feel a lot the same way you do. Broken. Useless. Worthless. But I'm fighting it. I realise that it's the depression talking to me and not reality. I'm a 50 year old widow. Scars all over my body from years of abuse and neglect. I'm overweight. I have many health issues and ptsd to top it all off. And I'm starting my life all over again. It's not easy. Depression will wrap around us like a fog and only let in the things it needs to grow. But we have to fight thru that fog. And we can't do it alone. I take meds, I go to therapy and i did cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy). The combination really helped me a lot. And when i need it, i use the chat room and forums here to get added support. Right now, you are takeing a step in the right direction. Don't let it be the only step you take. And know you aren't doing it alone.

[AaronR]

Hi Aaron. I feel a lot the same way you do. Broken. Useless. Worthless. But I'm fighting it. I realise that it's the depression talking to me and not reality. I'm a 50 year old widow. Scars all over my body from years of abuse and neglect. I'm overweight. I have many health issues and ptsd to top it all off. And I'm starting my life all over again. It's not easy. Depression will wrap around us like a fog and only let in the things it needs to grow. But we have to fight thru that fog. And we can't do it alone. I take meds, I go to therapy and i did cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy). The combination really helped me a lot. And when i need it, i use the chat room and forums here to get added support. Right now, you are takeing a step in the right direction. Don't let it be the only step you take. And know you aren't doing it alone.

Chat helped me a bit, I miss it.

I'm taking prozac, when i remember to take it it helps sometimes but when I don't and am just winging it I'm on a roller coaster Six Flags would be envious of.

Therapy had helped some but my current therapist and I just do not mesh. She's a very nice and polite lady but we just have no rapport whatsoever. Every time I go into the appointment it's always a deal where she has to pull up her file and go over everything we've talked about and ask questions and fill stuff back out, and by the time we're through with that crap 15 minutes or more of my hour is already up. It's terribly frustrating and just makes things worse.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Aaron )))))))))))))))))

Just a hello and hug coming your way.

Warmie