How far can i go?

[cool]

Stress.... worried... tired.... lost....can i have a long and peaceful sleep?

I feel my chest is bloated, as if going to burst anytime. Lost in a mix feeling, asking myself, why am here? why i bring my kids to this world and cant give them the best? Why am in debt ?why my bro left us without leaving any words.

Have been asking myself lately, why i married? Had given our Honey Moon $ to my bro in-law cause his business was in bad debt. My husband was a guarantor for his friend and ended up we had to pay his loan. When time were good, my husband had an adultery when am pregnant with my 3rd kid.
I had forgiven him but it still hurt till now.

Am in bad debt after my in-law move in for 20months( family of 6) I signed the credit card for the grocery, always pay the minimum...now ended up with deep shit. Interest rate is so high, am really vex over it.

Mum is senile, everyday the house is so noisy because of her. Sometimes, i really feel like bringing her together to another world . I miss my brother, he had gone without leaving any letter....If am gone, all the debt will be clear.

Everyday am dragging myself to wake up, wonder what will happen for the day? What will happen tomorrow or is there any future in my future? The road are dark.... am lost....but... i need to be strong infront of my kids, they still young, still need my support and care.....but i really got no idea how far can i go? when can i have a peacful sleep without disturb? am tired very very tired......n lost.....

[hollyann]

Hi. Have you tried debt counseling of any kind? I understand about wanting to give your kids better but truth is love is the best they are likely to get and its obvious that you love them. Or you wouldn't worry. Not being able to buy them everything some times makes them appreciate what they do have more. Im sorry your husband cheated thats a very hard thing to heal from time makes it easier but it can still hurt. Have you had any help for you relationship?

hollyann

[cool]

I only tell my best friend n sis,i dun feel comfortable to consult the debt counsellor ,no body will believe I spent on grocery can caused me in heavy debt!!! My house is just like a hotel to my in-law , will only instruct my maid to cook dish that of their favor, I dun eat at home except my off day.. Staying at my place only done marketing less then 10 times, every week I need to spent $300-$400 plus just for them(6 of them n 5 on my side)

Am a soft spoken person n will keep everything to myself, had try to speak out loud but my tears will keep flowing. My hubby had come back to the family and has been a good hubby n father so far but I still feel hurt still can't forget. Had try very hard to be fierce but soft is still my nature. Kids can tell when am trying to lie !!

This is my life, maybe I will better off if am remain single . Just dun understand after marry debt keep coming one after another !!!

I will console n cheer myself whenever am depress . Come to think of it, am still better off compare to those who had lost their home due to earthquake n flood.... I will b strong for the sake of my kids.

Glad to have this forum for me to vent it out.. Feel better after writing it down .. Thanks