My story.

[CantCope]

Hello , my name is Alex , i`m 24 years old , and i`m in terible pain.I lived with the pain for 2 years , it was not this intense , it was mere sadness , and all that time i thought it was normal human feeling , like "life`s crappy" .The more intense pain started about 2 months a go , i started vomiting , i cant eat , my stomach hurts , i cant find joy in ANYTHING , i`m very impatient and 3 days a go i started having panic atacks . I cant get out of my room , when i go out with friends i feel very sick , constant nausea and if i ate something that day , surely will throw up . I was already twice in the past 3 weeks at the emergency room , because i couldnt eat or i would throw up everything if i would . In the past week i cant even woke up , or i dont want to , i realy dont know , but i wake up 5-6 times every night , feeling panic and fear , and i dont know why . Family , friends dont understand what i`m going thru , they think it`s "sadness" , and i cant explain to them , that it`s not sadness , i tell them "I just want 5 minutes of joy every day ". When my sister asked me what i would like to do , and told her that i dont like nothing , that NOTHING gives me pleasure , she told me "That`s impossible" . I know only people that know this pain will understand me , since i didnt understand what this was all about untill i got it . Also , i cant stand quiet times , and music just makes me worse. I have a movie playing on the backround of the computer for the past month (i keep changing them). I feel tired , sometimes i get very sleepy , and in few moments , i cant stand still and at the same time i cant leave my room without getting worse . My back hurts , my neck hurts , sometimes my kidneys hurt . I read that crying makes you feel better , i tried to cry for hours ,and nothing , but when i talked to someone that knows what i`m going thru , i instalty started crying , and cried for 20 minutes , and yes , i did feel better , for about one hour , but what made me cry was that my family tries to support me , to talk to me , and i make them feel useless because they cant help me , and it pains me a lot . I cant seem to find any hope , something to make me hang on , i feel empty , in these 2 months i havent got 1 minute of joy , or at least 1 minute w`o the pain , to feel neutral . I`m writing this as i`m thinkin of suicide , but at this moment , my mom and sister keeps me going , since i dont want to hurt them , but i fear time will come when i cant cope with the pain anymore , and i will do something . I`m not affraid , as this is the only option i see , and people who have this pain would understand me , at least for me , suicide right now it`s not a sing of weakness , it`s a action to stop it all . All i want is 5 minutes of joy from time to time , or at least neutral feelings , something to give me hope that a better time will come . If someone has any advice , i will hear it gladly . Sorry for the long post and sorry if i made mistakes , as english is not my 1st language .

[Obayan]

Hi. Welcome to the forums. There are a lot of tools out there to help us. Meditation, proper diet, exercise, therapy, meds, etc.... I would suggest starting with a counselor. We also have a chat room here that is really good for getting support and there are a lot of really great people here on the forums that are careing and supportive as well.