So confused.

[santamonica]

My father is an alcoholic. I figured it out when I was 13 and started stealing booze that summer. Got myself into some trouble. Police chased my friends and I driving under the influence and without a driver's license, vandalized our school, passed out in very inconvenient places.. and I could go on. Point is, it wasn't good. I haven't had a drink in 32 days. I don't think I was an alcoholic, just a normal binge drinker on the weekends and the occasional week day, depending on the occasion. But, I think I could become that person I hate so much. My drunk father. But, now that I've tried to stop this whatever it is, I hardly see my friends anymore, I don't really know what to do if I'm not out partying. I know alcohol is a depressant, but I feel more depressed now that I don't drink. I just hang out alone. I'm not the same person. I get terrible migraines so I have a bunch of painkillers.. I take them even when I don't need them. I sleep a lot. I have so much going for me and I know better than this, but I can't seem to shake it. I don't know what to do. So, I think I might need some help.. before I throw everything away..

santamonica

[Obayan]

Hi. We all have made mistakes in the past hon. Ones we aren't proud of. What matters most is what you do now. Please don't end up just substituting drugs for the alcohol. I hope you find some relief soon.

[kutsuu84]

I actually unerstand what you're saying... I didn't take it as far as getting in trouble but I used to "party" on the weekends... when I decided I didn't want to live that way anymore I lost a lot of friends, and I didn't stop drinking entirely I still enjoy a drink here and there but I stopped getting wasted... and I know its hard but once you stabalize a bit you're gonna see those "friends" weren't really friends to begin with and you are gonna have all new friends... you gotta not depend on the pills to feel better and not stress about drinking... just do some sobe activities... you will meet new people and make those new friends quick!

[Obayan]

Great advice!

[santamonica]

All my friends were hammered and being idiots tonight. I came home and headed straight for the pills. I'm pathetic. Thinking I'm doing so well by not drinking with them, this is so much worse. What you said makes sense kutsuu84, but I don't want to make new friends.. I don't even know what to do sober anymore..

[Obayan]

I'm so sorry hon. I know how hard it is for you. Please if you are serious about changing this, then go to your doc and see what treatment options are out there to help you. And remember, we are here for you. We will walk this road with you every step of the way.

[kutsuu84]

Mini golf is the shit! And you could go to a mall meet new people there... just gotta try and be positive

[Obayan]

(((( santamonica )))) We all make mistakes sweetie. The important thing is that you are doing the right thing now.

[santamonica]

i dontt think im doing the right thing... i don tknow.

[Obayan]

Be true to yourself and to your beliefs. For me, that's the right thing.

[santamonica]

i dont think im ready to get help... i got so messsued up on the weekend.. im never going to change..

[jj]

hey santamonica.

i can relate to what you are saying. i also have an alcoholic father. what i would say to you is, take a real hard look at yourself. ask yourself who do you want to be? (athough i think you already know, and you know that you dont want to be like your dad)

i think there will come a point soon when you will be ready to get help. that can take some time though. but you will be able to say to yourself, no, i dont want to be this person anymore, now i am ready to change. you have to really really want to change to become the person you want to be. youve got to think about what matters most to you. try and get some goals and aims and work towards what you really want most.

jj