WHERE AM I NOW? (triggering materail)

[Shattered]

Im divorced twice with 3 children. Both marriages failed due to extra marital & fling issues. D 2nd marriage left me a very bad impact & I suffered from depression & was on medication for 1 1/2yrs. I attempted suicide thrice during my 2nd marriage. Fm young, Im not close to my family. My parents blamed me for my failed marriage saying I shd not married at all, I can't get married, this is my life! I told myself nvr to get married again, i told myself i cld nvr hv a happy marriage. 7 years down the road, i met tis man. He has nvr married before. He's almost perfect...he wanted to marry me & he promised to love me & my children. He wants a family, he wants to settle downThe things that he had said & done was giving me hope again. I tot God knows im longing so much for a happy marriage, He wont put me to the test again cos He knows I've suffered enough. I told this man every single thing of my past, he said he don't mind al. I trusted him, forgetting al d hurt that I've suffered & married him. I love him so much..i borne him a son, just 1 1/2 mths old. Recently, I found out that he went online dating sites. He went to the extreme of becoming a member. I confronted him, he denied. He sweared that he will stop, I gave him a chance. Somehow my instince told me he didn't. I requested for his mobile call logs without him knowing. When I saw it, my heart was really shattered. Every morning, he would call this woman. He don't even hv any time for me when I call. We quarrelled very very badly, he promised again. I want al his passwords, he don't hv a choice. I went to his FB & saw everything. Al the love msg that he sent, calling them sweetheart, darlings, telling them how much he loves them, want to meet them. To add to my sadness, al these started when Im pregnant. Al this he explained as a playful act only. I trying to believe him except 1 woman. She's 6 years older than him. They went out together, he admitted but denied having any sex with her. But fm the msg I saw, i just cant believed. Almost everyday, we r quarrelling. I couldnt control myself fm thinking. I felt so hopeless, so useless...suicidal tots came up again..i couldnt stop. Im scare, im worried..i couldnt eat, i felt so betrayed & shameful. i know my depression is coming back, i cant talk to anyone. I cant let go, im suffering...