I need to find me again.

[stevienotsowonderful]

In October 2010 I was blessed to finally meet the love of my life. I have always been an exceptionally happy person, and being with him only amplified my happiness. We lived on a little island in North Carolina. We both loved the water, motorcycles and music. In January 2011 he was offered a fantastic job in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. When he asked me if I was going with him I didn't even hesitate I decided to move with him.
When we got to Baton Rouge everything changed. He had lived here before and had friends and a pool hall that he frequented when he lived here before. On the trip down he told me he would probablly be gone at the pool hall alot. I thought he was joking but he wasn't.
Ever since we have been here I have been unable to make friends. I am a people loving social person. Feeling cut off from people and feeling unloved is ruining me. On top of that, he wasn't lying, he is constantly going to the pool hall. We found out we were expecting after just a few months after we got here. I am so happy about being a mother and he is wonderful. But, I have no one here to share anything with. My family and friends live 1,000 miles away and I am alone. I went home for a week this month thinking being reminded i'm not alone would help but it has just made my life worse.
For awhile my fiance was talking about moving back to NC to be closer to our families with our son. This got my hopes up so high when he all of a sudden changed his mind I was beyond devastated. Now he is talking about buying a house here. I feel like he has no consideration for my feelings or my misery. He seems to think that I do not try to meet people. He blames it on my sleeping in and not going out. He doesn't understand that lately I feel like I have nothing to wake up for and that I find no joy in going out and about by myself. I still love him so incredibly much and I cannot picture leaving him. Especially now that we are about to have a child together. But I cannot live this way. This is not the person I am. In NC I was so happy and outgoing. I was always doing something and I was an excellent college student. Here I am a hermit with no friends, I never do anything and I am not in school yet(I start again in January).
I do not know what to do. I need help. It has gotten to the point I can't even cry anymore. I hate being awake and I hate trying to fall asleep.I don't know how to make him see what this place is doing to me.

[hollyann]

Hi Thank you for sharing your story. Its nice to meet you. Do you have a long distance plan so that you can talk to your family and friends on regular basis. Trips home are hard. And have you tried talking to your fiance about how you felt about him being away so much? I understand you wanting to stay together for the baby and the love you two had/have. Its not easy but staying in a place where you are unhappy can be hard on you during the pregnancy and the kid afterwards. Have you tried thinking about any hobbies or something you can do to meet other people? I know its hard when you are this depressed but it may just be what you need. Maybe try to write out your feelings to him? I truly am sorry you are going through this. Wish I could offer more advice.

hollyann

[stevienotsowonderful]

Iv'e tried so many different things. I even tried playing pool so we would could do that together. He liked that I was playing, but it was more like another reason for him to be up there all the time. We have talked about this, I have cried to him about this and all he says is that us staying here is for the best.
The only plans for long distance communicaton we have right now is Skype. I don't know what to do about anything anymore. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate you taking the time to reply.