When I was 16 I got pregnant with my son, his dad was in the air force. From the start he denied our son was his, I later found out he was sleeping with as many as 30 other girls and the air force opened an investigation into him for sleeping with minors. His youngest girl he was sleeping with was 15, he got 14 years in a military prison in kansas. Threw out my whole pregnancy I was very depressed and my moods kept changing, I did not want a baby and kept thinking to myself this was a nightmare I was going to wake up from. Nobody ever asked what i wanted as far as keeping my son or giving him up nor did they ask if I wanted to help put my sons dad in jail I was forced into it.After I had him my pediatrician tried to tell my mom I was suffering from PPD, she did not want to hear it so I never got help. When I was about 7 months I actually went to the basement and put some type of cord around my neck and got up on something, I stood for a while crying before taking it off my neck and getting down.
I remained living in the Maryland up until I was 21 and then moved to VA 3 hours from my friends, that is when depression really started to hit. Before I could go out with friends and forget about everything but now I was alone. I got a job but I was very unhappy, I use to love working and would pull doubles all the time at my job in Maryland but this one I would not show up or just kind of slack.
In July I met this great guy who did everything for me and my son and treated my son like his own, I never thought I would find a guy like that. We got a house together a few months later but not long after things went down hill. He hated my family, they were always coming over and asking for money, at times I feel thats the only reason my parents have contact with me is for money. They do not care about anything I accomplish, I got my GED in December and not a single congratulations or good job, it was just like whatever. It seems all my parents have done is hold me back from succeeding in life and to be honest it seemed like they were mad at me for getting my GED because god forbid I be better then them in life. I had tried going to GED classes twice before when living with my parents but after a few weeks they would stop taking me, they really did seem like they did not want me to get it, they wanted me to work so I could give them money. By February my ex had had enough and kicked me and my son out which hurt alot. Here I found this great guy and my family ruined it and I am partly to blame , he said I was always depressed and detached.
I want to apply to college to start in the fall and we have a house we are waiting on in PA, I have been asking my dad for 3 months now for the location so I can look at colleges and he has not given it to me, it is like they are trying to hold me back from going. Out of like 7 adults in the house I am the only one who worked for like 2 years and I am the only one who cleans the house, if not for me we would live in a pig pen. I can never discipline my son because someone always has something to say or if I say he is punished from outside someone lets him out and because of this he is literally out of control (he is 6)
When my sister was 16 she met a 27 year old from another state, my parents allowed this man to come see my sister and stay with us and the first night he slept with my sister and it was totally okay, they are now married and live off my parents and have a 2 month old they neglect. It was just totally okay for my 16 year old sister to get with this 26 year old but when I was 16 dating my sons dad who was 19 my parents helped every bit they could to put him in jail. When my son was a baby all they did was ride me and even threaten to take him from me and I never neglected him but they do not say a single word to my sister and husband who just leave the baby cry, sleep in bed with him with sheets over his face, etc.
I have become really depressed over the past few months, I no longer enjoy doing the things I use to, I dont eat much anymore, I feel weak, dizzy and lightheaded. I am rarely happy, I can switch to angry or upset in a blink of an eye and I get into big arguments which I never use to do. Yesterday I got in a fight with my ex and for about a half hour I kept running my hands threw my hair ripping pieces out and could not get myself to stop, I have never done this before. A few months back I cut off a bunch of my hair to make him mad, he loved long hair so I cut it all off to make it short.
I went to the doctors friday and told me I do sound like I am suffering from depression, what did I get when I told my parents? "thats there excuse for everything" followed by eye rolls. I told my ex and his response was "whatever, life is to short to hang with depressed people". This hurt alot, I can not get any support from anyone.
I do not know what to do anymore, I feel so alone. I feel like im in a dark hole and there is no light in sight..I feel like a freaking loser, I have not been able to find a job in 2 years and it does not help that my idiot parents move every few months because they do not pay there rent or end up renting from a crazy person. 3 times I got a income tax check and my parents took pretty much all of it to prevent me from getting a car, I finally got a broke down one which my dad swore he would fix up and it sat for over a year and he never really did anything so I finally sold it last month..I feel im freaking trapped and can't get out
