Sorry, got ahead of myself

[ADM95]

My story is short, simple, and boring...
At the moment I am 16 and I live with my dad, his girlfriend, 5 dogs, and my step and half brothers 3 days a week, I have a girlfriend, but I don't think I have the same feelings I used to, I'm not very popular, but I have good friends, my grades at school absolutely suck, and my mother, whom I love dearly, is in the opposite side of the world to me.

I dont remember much of my early childhood, just that I never sawbmy mom, and that I was always treated as inferior to my step brother by his mother and my dad (to keep her happy). We moved a lot, which was hard on me as a kid, eventually I got to a point where I got to see my mom, but going back and forth was very unstable for me... Ive always been good at wearing a mask, I always seem happy and immature externally, but on the inside, just pain... When I moved away from my mom, it was hard. I got used to it, but it was hard... With her I also left all my family behind... All except my dad. Anyways, when I first got to where I am now my strange accent was a huge hit, but once I found my mask again, my immaturity became a major target of bullying, I've always been very sensetive so I took this very hard and often cried in public, which led to more abuse. After a while my dad divorced my step mom (which was why we moved in the first place, to be with her family) so it was just me and him for a while, and then he couldn't afford to pay for my essentials, so I had to move back to live with my newly married mom, and step dad which was sorta good at the start, except for not having my dad there, I mean I had friends that lived nearby, I was doing well in school and I was generally happy... Then things went a little sour... Not terrible, but not fantastic... My mom and step dad divorced, so we had to move, I had to leave my friends, and hobbies, and school... Where I moved to wasn't bad... I started at a new school, and made some friends, but my grades started to drop ( and not just because school was getting harder) eventually my mom bought a house, and I moved away from my friends again, anyways I just sorta became isolated from everyone outside of school. One year I came to visit my dadand ended up staying (I kind of regret that now, but its to late for that) i really missed all my friends and family, but I couldn't do any thing about it... I started at a school, and me being weak and all was the perfect punching bag... My grades fell again and I moved schools again. Not much changed for a while, in fact things were starting to look a bit better, but then things changed again, we had to move... So we did, and again I moved away from good friends... And now I'm where I am now... Over the past couple of months (possibly longer) I've started to feel more and more disconnected from everything... My friends all over the world keep me in the game, but it's still getting harder...
I've joined this forum thing tonight because I didn't know what else to do... I needed someone to talk to, but no one was available... I'm not sure I've done this right, and I'm sorry if I haven't. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your help if you do...

[jj]

hello ADM95 welcome to the forum we're very glad to have you.

im reading your story and wow moving that many times sounds really hard, with the school and friend changes. do you think you could talk to your friends about how youre feeling? you say theyre good friends, so maybe now is the time to remove this mask and reach out to them? maybe that would lessen the feeling of disconnect?

also did you ever tell anyone about the bullying? cos you know you dont have to suffer in silence. but i am sorry that that happened to you.

also how often do you get to speak to/ see your mom?

*big hugs*

jj