Help, why do I feel like this.

[Kori]

It is so hard to express how I feel. I don't want to use depression as an excuse of my actions either, but I seem to keep doing everything wrong. I upset the people closest to me. I have thought of ways to kill myself, thinking that everyone would be better off without me around. I know that this is not an answer and that I would just be hurting the people closest to me. But it also comes down to it, I don't have the guts to do it. I have seen a Dr. about my depression, but all they do is give me medications. I don't dare tell anyone the way I feel because I am afraid they would admit me. Some days I wish I could just walk down the road and never turn back and see what life does for me. Man, I wish I could talk to someone without being judged or embarassed. I'm ashamed of who I am and what I've become. Am I really writing all this and will anyone really read it? Am I getting the help that I really need? Does it get any better? Will I always feel this way? I am so confused!!!

[Obayan]

Hi Kori. (((( huggs )))))

I know how you feel. I'm right there with you most days. I would say talk to your doc. How can he treat you if he doesn't know the whole story of what's going on? But I know the fear of being put in the hospital. Until i finally spoke up and i did go in the hospital. I got the help i needed there. And yes, there are still bad days and good days, but at least now i can recognize what is going on in my life and in my mind and it helps me to fight back harder and win more often than not.

I'm really sorry you are in so much pain. but you aren't alone hon. We are all right here with you.

[crystalgaze]

Hi Kori & welcome! It can get better. (The possibility for something different exists.) It may require searching. Sometimes you may search & nothing comes to mind. The point there is to keep making the effort a little at a time.

Do not give up hope!

[rebecca42]

No your not alone. I feel depressed & unappreciated everyday. I live my life alone 95% of the time & I'm married. My husband works all the time & when he is home he spends his time on the computer or on the phone. When I try to talk to him he blows it way out of proportion & makes matters works. I try my best everyday to make him happy but there is always something I've done wrong. I don't understand his thought process & it's driving me crazy. I love him but I'm starting to build a wall so when he chews my ass over nothing it doesn't hurt so bad. I would like someone to talk to & hopefully I can be happy again.

[pixi]

Rebecca u sound just like me

I have been ill for 5 years now, have lost my job and have no interest in life. My hb has lost patience with me. He wont talk about it and goes out with his friends im sure to avoid spending time with me. My son has grown to blame me for life changing and I fought a serious suicide attempt this week.

Hopefully I will find someone to talk to here

[MissKitteh]

I also feel a lot like everyone here. I think about driving my car off the road sometimes. I cry at work more and more frequently, and pray that no one sees me or even worse, asks what's wrong. There's no way anyone would ever understand how I feel and even if they said they did, they would still look at me completely different if I told them. I feel like if people really knew what I was thinking, they would put me in a mental hospital. I can't have that happen, I am a public figure where I live and everyone would know about it and I would be utterly embarrassed. So no matter what I do, I must keep it confidential. I hope you all find your way soon and start to feel better. Hugs!