Life is crumbling before me..

[UGHH76]

I am a 34yr old guy who has been diagnosed with ADD since childhood, but that’s not the issue. I feel so alone, however I am married going on 4yrs. I have no friends, nobody I can talk to that will listen. I am a doer, I do for others before I do for myself, and maybe it’s just my personality. Overall, I feel like I get zero attention. But here’s the story, since I feel like I get no attention, I drift and post on adult websites and craigslist, not for the hookup, but just to get noticed and get attention. Well, my wife found out by looking at the history, and she thinks I am cheating on her. I try to explain my position on how I feel that this is all for the attention, but to no avail. Furthermore, I always feel that I never do anything right and that I am always in the wrong. I try to put on a happy persona all the time, failing to reveal my true feelings, worried that I will face rejection. I have contemplated the big “S” at times, but then I keep telling myself that is the easy way out. My whole life is crumbling before my eyes and I am running out of options, I do not know what to do anymore…

[jmerrick73]

i know exactly how you feel.i am also a doer.i also am the kind of person that would give my life for anyone to save them from whatever or whomever.i always would look to seek attention by doing things people would respond to by actions or words.example.shaving my head or growing my hair very long knowing those around me didn't like it.i would write poetry that was on the darker side of life.i have been married and divorced.that sunk me into the ground.i have had numerous jobs since 1990.everytime i would try to pick up the pieces and try to get ahead in life something would hit me and bamm,everything goes to shit.because of my crazy,pessimistic attitude,my family and most friends have abandoned me.i have abused my body with over the counter pills.i have on most days felt so sedated and felt like i no longer had the will to live.the only thing that has kept me from taking my life is my love for god.i have dreamed of my demise on and on again.i think of all the close friends and my family members that have died.everytime i get a good job,someone says something that tears me down.i've always had low self esteem.my dad was very skilled at tearing that down from me.i really don't think he did it on purpose,i know he didn't think it would have an effect on me.but it did and has,and that's why i always feel like in this life i am utterly and completely alone in my mind.so,i do know exactly how you feel.i don't really know what to say as in what will help you.i have been on 8 different types of anti depressants and none of them helped.i have seen psychiatrists.nothing really helps.if you haven't tried those things maybe they will work for you.that and prayer if you do pray.your wife should be more supportive though.i mean this is your life were speaking on.if she really loves and cares for you she should console you in this desperate time of need,before it's too late.

[UGHH76]

Thanks for your insight, like you I take one step forward, two steps back. I cannot seem to get out of my own way, whatever I I seem to fail at, never getting ahead, always falling back, almost like I am destined to fail. I know life is tough, suffering from drug addictions in my early 20's, rocky childhood, job stability (not always by my doing), lack of sustainable friendships, etc. I am waiting for that break in life, knowing that it’s never going to happen.
I think my wife really doesn't understand my suffering I have inside, I always try to explain, but as usual, I fail to do it effectively. I always try to keep an upbeat attitude, or at least making it seem that way. My wife always says, "The world is not against you", I offer my rebuttal by saying, "put yourself in my shoes and you will understand". I do not think she grasps the seriousness of the situation. I love her so much, but I also understand her anger with me, deservingly so. I am hanging on by thread here...

[crystalgaze]

I am also a doer.... with times of non-doing, if that makes any sense....

Sometimes, I act or don't act with reservations. I encourage us all to find some sort of balance or happy medium that doesn't involve us wearing ourselves out like mad.

Think of it this way: You can't do anything, if you don't preserve yourself.

So....

Start preserving yourself. Yup, that's right; there's nothing wrong with self-preservation.

It's easy to say it just like that, but hey we're doers, so we'll just do it!

Right?