still messed up

[neogeo]

it's been a while since ive been here. got put back in a hospital last sept. someone called my employer and said i was going to jump off the roof. dont remember calling and tellling anybody but i got suspended then fired when i didnt return to work. moved to germany with my wife. why i dont know, but the doctor thought it might help. the marriage is alittle better but not much. got a new doctor boy is it fun trying to converse with a person who cant speak english and my german is enough to get by with. trying to tell someone your feeling worthless and a waste of is really starting to get to me. he put me on new meds, cant get what i had in the states cuz they are illegal here in germany. sorry to be rambling just need to talk. since ive been here ive tried four times to kill myself, but im still here. when i start to bring this up to the new doc he wants to send me to the clinic. my wife says its a nut house. dont really know what to do. somedays are good and there are really bad days where i dont want to get out of bed in fact havent been out of bed for four days really feel like crap but not to the point of suicide, everything i touch goes to hell thanks for listening

[loliowe]

I sure hope you are feeling a lot better than you were at the time of this post. It seems that you have been going through quite a bit but what I realize is that you said you were still here and I am hoping that you realize this is for the best. This a fight that we are all in for our lives and the quality in which we will live our lives. Realizing that you are different and require help, medication, or psychiatric help in dealing with issues is better than being someone who is too afraid to seek help. Obviously you are in it to win this battle so let no one's opinion of the help that you do get affect your receiving the help itself. You're doing good and are on the right track as long as you work with your doctors and be honest about your feelings, reactions, and thoughts. I wish you well.

Loliowe